


Madness

by Gravity_Universe_Fanfic



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Depression, F/M, Gen, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Self Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:06:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 19,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24565084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gravity_Universe_Fanfic/pseuds/Gravity_Universe_Fanfic
Summary: After his corruption, Steven struggles with scars, emotional and physical. His family reaches out but, as always, Steven pushes them away in an attempt to help them. Even so, Connie is with him, every step of the way.[FINISHED]
Relationships: Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe
Comments: 8
Kudos: 70





	1. Nightmare

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfic takes place after “I Am My Monster” and before “The Future”.
> 
> UPDATE: Gravity Universe: Book One and Two are now finished and while I start planning Book Three, I will mainly focus on this fanfic and another one!
> 
> This fanfic: Updates every Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday
> 
> Hope you enjoy!
> 
> My Instagram is gravity_universe_fanfic if you want to follow, I would appreciate it!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven has a nightmare.

A dream. A dream enveloped Steven’s mind. He’s had nightmares like this to the point where he’s gotten used to it. His mind hasn’t though. Every time he experiences a new dream, his body starts to shake and he breaks out a cold sweat. He feels... scared. 

He knows what the dream is about. It’s the same every time. He’s in the dark, wandering around. Then, a light appears. He walks towards it and a giant monster comes storming in. The giant monster... is his corrupted self. It roars, it stomps, it does everything in its power to consume Steven again. 

Something was different about this dream. The monster cowers away in fear at the sound of a faint voice from the distance. It comes closer and the monster hides away. As it gets closer, Steven starts to recognize the voice. 

_”Connie”_ he thinks. 

The voice calls out his name. Steven tries to respond. His voice distorted and blocked. 

“Connie.” his voice strains. “Please... help.”

—————

“Steven!” Connie cries. 

Steven jolts up from his bed. He holds his head and his breath becomes shaky. He looks over to his side and sees Connie, starting to cry. The gems were at the foot of his bed, looking at him with sad eyes. 

“Guys...” Steven started. “What are you doing here?” 

“We heard you scream.” Pearl said. “Connie called us in a few minutes ago.” 

Garnet looked away and pushed her glasses. Amethyst looked worried but didn’t say a word. 

“Guys!” Steven exclaimed. “I’m fine. It was just a nightmare!” 

“Steven... please.” Connie’s voice broke. “It’s not fine! Don’t keep... telling...” 

Connie’s voice trailed off and she broke down in tears. Pearl came to his side and held his hand.

“We’re here for you, Steven.” Pearl said, tearing up. “You can tell us when something’s happening.” 

“But, nothing’s happening.” Steven says. “Really! I’m fine.” 

“You were screaming from your dream!” Amethyst cried. “How could you be fine from that?!” 

Garnet didn’t say anything and left the room. Steven frowned as he watched Garnet leave. He looked down at his blanket and looked at Connie. She was asleep, still with tears in her eyes. Steven leaned towards her and wiped some tears. 

“I... I have to sleep, Pearl.” Steven said. 

“Yes, of course.” Pearl said. “I’ll leave you to it then.” 

Amethyst looked at him and walked out the room with Pearl. Steven waved, smiling. He laid back down and stared at the ceiling. 

_”My dream is not anything they should be worried about.”_ Steven said to himself. 

He turned to his side and tapped Connie’s head to wake her. 

“Connie...” Steven said, tapping her head. “Wake up, you can’t sleep like this.”

“Mmmm...” Connie groaned. 

She got up, still half asleep, and fell onto Steven. Steven grabbed her and brought her down to his side. Connie didn’t let go.

She never would. And she never will.


	2. Scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven discovers scars while getting ready to go outside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, there’s a scene where Steven’s in the bathroom. Just imagine some pants on him because I don’t like NSFW.
> 
> Enjoy the chapter!
> 
> Updates every Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday!
> 
> My Instagram is gravity_universe_fanfic if you want to follow, I would appreciate it!

Steven woke up to the sound of Connie’s voice calling out to him. Steven opened his eyes and saw Connie on top of him, looking much better now. Steven groaned and sat up. Connie helped him up and sat down at the side of the bed with him. She was looking outside at the beach and sighing. Steven moved in closer to Connie and hugged her with one arm.

“What’s wrong Connie?” Steven asked.

“Do you want to go on a walk today?” Connie replied. “Won’t it be good for your health?”

“Sure, Connie.” Steven responded. “Whatever makes you happy.” 

Connie frowned and looked at Steven. 

“Steven.” Connie said, sternly. “I want to make **you** happy.” 

Steven looked away. He wasn’t sure what made him happy. 

“I’m happy when you’re happy, Connie.” Steven said, smiling.

“Okay then.” Connie said, standing up. “I’m going to get ready and wait outside for you.” 

Steven nodded as Connie left the room. Steven stood up and walked towards the bathroom downstairs after a few minutes. He sighed and closed the door behind him. He put his hands on the sink and started to breathe heavily. His lungs felt clogged up. He looked at the mirror and saw his tired face. He looked away and looked back at mirror. His taller, stronger, scarier version of him was staring back. Steven flinched and backed away from the mirror. His thoughts raced in his mind. He frantically walked back to the mirror and grabbed his pills from the cupboard. He took out three and dosed them down. He then washed his face and got in the bathtub.

 _”A bath would calm me down”_ Steven thought. 

He turned on the faucet and water was streaming through. He sat down and put his knees to his chest, covering his gem. He leaned back to lay his back on the side of the bathtub. He winced and leaned forward again. His back was in unspeakable pain. Steven couldn’t describe the pain he was in. It wasn’t like this when he was on the bed. 

Steven touched his back and felt... three bumps or scars, running down his spine. Memories of his corruption were flooding back. Steven started to freak out. He screamed silently. His screams became louder as he started to cry. Connie came bursting in. She ran towards Steven.

“Steven!” Connie shouted. “Are you okay?” 

Steven didn’t listen. He screamed. 

“Steven!!” Connie cried louder. 

Steven flinched and looked at her. Tears flowing from his eyes. 

“I’m sorry.” Steven said. “I didn’t want you to worry about me.” 

“Don’t be.” Connie replied. “I’m always going to be worrying about you.” 

Steven shuddered and put his knees closer to his chest. 

“Tell me what’s wrong.” Connie said.

“I... I have...” Steven stuttered. “Scars... my back.” 

Connie looked at his back and saw the three scars on his spine. Connie frowned and sighed.

“Oh... Steven.” Connie said.

“It just... reminded me...” Steven said, his tears coming to a stop. 

Connie stood up with Steven and Steven sat down on the toilet. Connie knelt down in front of him. She held his hands and looked at him. 

“Steven.” Connie started. “I’m here to help you in any way I can. So, if you have something to tell me, do it now.” 

Steven stayed silent as Connie was waiting for a response. Steven sighed.

“Ever since the incident, I’ve been paranoid.” Steven said. “Everything I do just seems to trigger a memory or something bad. That other form I took scares me. I’m worried that if I am like that again, I will go through everything that happened before. I take my pills and I take as much rest as I can, but nothing seems to help me.”

Connie sighed and hugged Steven. Tears running down her cheeks.

“Whenever I look at you, I see me, hurting you.” Steven said, sobbing. “I’m worried that I’m going to hurt you.”

Steven’s face started to turn pink and Connie separated from the hug.

“Steven.” Connie said, holding his shoulders. “You won’t hurt me, or the gems, or anyone. As long as I’m here with you, you’ll be fine. Better than fine. You’ll be happy.”

Steven sobbed and hugged Connie. Connie hugged him back and felt his scars on his back. Connie sobbed silently. 

“Steven.” Connie said. “I’m going to protect you. No matter what, I’ll be there.” 

“Thanks Connie.” Steven said.

“Do you... want to stay home today?” Connie asked.

“Yeah...” Steven replied. “Sure.”


	3. Medication

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven and Connie talk about therapy in the Garden.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the chapter!
> 
> Updates every Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday!
> 
> My Instagram is gravity_universe_fanfic if you want to follow, I would appreciate it!

The front door opened. Connie entered with her bag and a piece of paper. Steven was coming downstairs for breakfast. The gems were at the kitchen, making something for Steven. 

"Good morning Steven!" Pearl cried.

"Hey dude!" Amethyst said, her voice muffled from eating a plate.

Garnet smiled and brought out a plate of Together Breakfast.

"We made Together Breakfast for you!" Pearl said, smiling and adding a strawberry on top of the pile of pancakes.

"Thanks guys." Steven said.

"I went to the doctor's office today Steven." Connie said, sitting down beside the table and shuffling inside her bag. "Here's your new medication."

She handed him a bottle with about 30 pills inside. Steven grabbed the bottle and looked at the label. It was prescribed to Steven Universe and it was for his panic attacks. He stared at the bottle and looked away, putting the bottle on the table. He got up and walked towards the warp. Connie got up from her seat and gestured to the gems that she would talk to him. She followed him to the warp and grabbed his hand. The blue streak of light took them away.

They arrived at Pink Diamond's Garden, where Spinel spent 6000 years waiting for Pink. Steven walked towards the broken fountain in the middle of the garden and sat down. Connie followed and sat beside him. 

"Steven?" Connie said, leaning forward. "What's wrong?" 

"I'm not..." Steven said, mumbling his next words. "Going to therapy..."

"What?!" Connie cried, standing up. "You've been lying to me and the gems for all this time?!'

Steven stayed silent and looked away. 

"You told me that you've been staying up to date on all your medications but... but..." Connie stopped and started to sob. "You **_LIED_**!"

Steven started to sob. 

"Ever since what happened, you **promised** to tell me or the gems when something was happening." Connie said, wiping her tears. "We didn't want you to hide anything..."

"I'm sorry." Steven said, looking at Connie. "I can't... I can't..."

Steven's cheeks started to turn pink and it spread to his body. Connie backed away. Steven screamed. His scream echoed through the pillars and the ground. Connie blocked her face and looked at Steven. He was sobbing and holding his head. 

"Steven...?" Connie asked, reaching out for his face. 

**"DON'T TOUCH ME!"** Steven snapped, slapping Connie's hand away.

Connie stopped and hugged Steven. 

"We don't want you to suffer anymore." Connie said, softly. 

Steven hugged her back and sobbed on her shoulder. His pink aura fading away.

Steven looked around and finally realized where he was. Pink Diamond's Garden. Steven choked and his pink aura came back through his whole body. Connie separated from the hug and looked at Steven, holding his head again. 

"Steven? What's happening?" Connie asked, frantically. 

Memories of what happened with Spinel were coming back to Steven. He breathed heavily and scrunched up in a ball on the ground, his knees to his chest and his hands clenching his arms at each side. Connie looked at him, worried, and reached inside her pocket. She pulled out the bottle of pills and popped one out. She held Steven on her lap and tried to get Steven's attention.

"Steven." Connie said. "Your pill, take it!"

Connie gave Steven the pill and he put it in his mouth, swallowing it in one gulp. He started to calm down, his breath steady and even and his pink started to fade away. Connie patted his back, feeling his scars, and quietly shushed him.

Steven's eyes closed, slowly.

\-----

"Connie." Steven said, waking up.

"Hey Steven." Connie said.

“I’m sorry.” Steven said. “I’m sorry I kept you here with me.” 

“I don’t mind being anywhere as long as it’s with you.” Connie said, smiling. 

“Thanks Connie...” Steven said quietly.

“We never really got breakfast yet...” Connie said, giggling.

“We... should get back.” Steven said, standing up. “The gems must be worried.” 

Connie nodded and held Steven’s hand while walking back to the warp. The blue light swept them away and they landed on the warp pad in the Beach House. 

“Steven!” The gems cried, running towards Steven and hugging him.

“Guys, I’m fine.” Steven said. 

“What happened?” Pearl asked.

“Are you okay?” Amethyst asked.

“Are you hurt?” Garnet asked. 

“I’ll fill you all in later.” Steven said, looking at Connie.

“Yeah, we will.” Connie said.

Steven smiled and looked at the pile of pancakes on the counter. The whipped cream melted onto the plate and the popcorn was a little bit soaked. The strawberry remained intact, somehow. 

“Who wants breakfast?”


	4. Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven talks about his nightmares with Connie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the chapter!
> 
> Updates every Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday!
> 
> My Instagram is gravity_universe_fanfic if you want to follow, I would appreciate it!

“Good morning Steven!” Connie said as she entered his room.

Steven groaned and pulled the blanket up over his head. Connie sighed and walked towards his bed and sat on the side. 

“If you’re feeling better, I was hoping we could go on a walk today.” Connie said. “If you don’t want to go, I respect that, Steven.” 

Steven looked at her with his tired eyes.

“I... didn’t get much sleep...” Steven said, his voice straining. “Can I stay?” 

Connie looked at Steven and saw bags under his eyes. She looked away and looked back with an angry look. 

“Steven, what happened last night?” Connie asked. “You’ve had bags under your eyes for weeks.”

“It’s...” Steven started. “It’s not something you should be worried about.”

“It’s the nightmares, isn’t it?” Connie asked.

Steven flinched and looked at her. 

“Yeah...” Steven replied, looking away and pulling the blanket over him. 

“You never told me what they’re about.” Connie said. “Can you... can you tell me, Steven?”

Steven sighed and opened his mouth.

—————

“It starts with me in this... dark room. Pitch black, nothing to see. I have seen this kind of nightmare so many times that I have gotten used to it. But, every time I see this, my body starts to shake and my mind gets flooded with thoughts that I never wanted. It’s... terrifying. I get these thoughts that tell me to do things, they **force** me to do things.

I have no control over my body and I just start moving towards a bright light. It’s soon covered with shade and the light is nowhere to be seen. Then, I see something else, my corrupted self, towering over me. My body moves towards it. 

Then, I finally snap free of the control and run the opposite direction. The monster starts to roar and stomp and run at me, opening its mouth to swallow me up again. It does anything to take control of my body. At this point, my whole body turns pink. I look at my hands and I’m getting anxious. 

The dream ends with me almost being swallowed up. The nightmare was different the other night. Before I snap free of the control, I heard a voice. It was yours, Connie. You were calling out to me. It made the monster scared to run after me. Then, it fled when the voice got louder. I try calling to you. My voice wasn’t saying much at all. 

Then, I woke up, and saw you beside me.”

—————

“Steven...” Connie said, reaching for a hug.

“After what happened, I haven’t been getting those kinds of nightmares since...” Steven said. “It’s honestly... refreshing... not running from a monster and all.” 

“Yeah...” Connie said, softly. “It is...”

They stayed in silence for a few minutes. Connie looked at Steven and opened her mouth. 

“What was it like?” Connie asked. “Being corrupted...”

“Well...” Steven replied. “It’s exactly like my dream. A monster chasing you down and taking control of you. Except, back then, I was too weak to break free.” 

“And... your scars...” Connie said. “Are the painkillers I brought for you helping?” 

“Yes Connie.” Steven replied. “Thanks for those...”

“It’s good to know that you are taking your pills.” 

“It’s good to take them.”

Silence.

“How about some fresh air today?” Connie asked. “We can sit at the beach.” 

“Sure...” Steven replied.

Steven got up from his bed to go downstairs. Connie stood up and grabbed his shirt. Steven looked confused. Connie looked up and smirked. 

“I... have an idea...” Connie said, smiling.

—————

On the beach, there they stood, staring at the endless sky, hugging themselves and each other at the same time. Tears running down their eyes.

There they stood.

Stevonnie staring at the endless sky.


	5. Anger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven confronts his mother in her room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the chapter!
> 
> Updates every Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday!
> 
> My Instagram is gravity_universe_fanfic if you want to follow, I would appreciate it!

Steven was standing on the boardwalk outside the beach house. He was staring at the ocean. Hearing the waves crashing forward and back. It made the sound seem like a lullaby to Steven as he dozed off. His head rested on the ledge, still standing. 

“Steven!” Amethyst cried, leaping from behind Steven.

Steven jolted awake and looked behind him. 

“Hey Amethyst.” Steven replied.

“Hey dude...” Amethyst started. “You okay?”

Steven rubbed his arm and looked away. 

“Yeah! I’m fine!” Steven said, looking at Amethyst and smiling. 

“Connie’s supposed to come today...” Amethyst said. “Dunno why though... you left your phone inside.” 

“Oh...” Steven sighed. “Thanks for letting me know...”

“Pearl told us to come inside for lunch.” Amethyst said, tugging Steven’s jacket. “The B-team’s coming too!” 

Steven looked out on the beach and saw Bismuth, Lapis, and Peridot waving at Steven and Amethyst.

Amethyst waved back and Steven smiled. 

Steven went back inside and sat down at the dinner table. A pink circle appeared beside Steven and he stared at it. He then realized what it was.

“Uh oh...” Steven said.

Lion leaped out of the portal and onto Steven. Connie was riding him and jumped out of Lion’s back. She knelt down to Steven who was now being slobbered by Lion’s tongue. 

“Sorry Steven!” Connie whispered. 

“It’s alright Connie!” Steven replied, laughing.

Lion sat up and let Steven sit back down at the table. 

“Hey!” Bismuth cried, entering the beach house with Lapis and Peridot. “The B-team’s here!” 

“Oh! Bismuth!” Pearl cried. “Glad you’re here!” 

Steven looked at them and smiled. Bismuth slapped Steven on the back and grinned.

“Glad you’re feeling better Steven!” Bismuth cried.

“I wouldn’t say... better.” Steven replied, shrugging. 

Connie leaned over and gave Steven a soft kiss on the cheek. 

“Steven...” Connie started. “Whatever you need, I’ll be there, remember that.” 

The two then kissed as Garnet and Pearl whispered an “Aww!”

Steven and Connie blushed and separated from the kiss. 

Then, they were handed their lunch. 

“Thanks Pearl.” Steven said, rubbing his neck.

Steven felt his scar running down his spine and shuddered. His hand rested on his back until Pearl noticed.

“Something wrong, Steven?” Pearl asked.

The other gems noticed his hand on his back and Steven quickly brought his hand back in front of him.

“It’s nothing.” Steven said.

“If it’s nothing, then it’s something, Steven.” Pearl said, walking towards Steven’s back and lifting his shirt.

Pearl gasped and the gems looked too.

“How come you never told us?” Lapis asked.

“This must be really painful.” Peridot added.

“Was this from your corruption?” Garnet asked.

“Is that why you were on the boardwalk?” Amethyst asked.

The gems suffocated Steven with overlapping questions and Steven burst into a pink state. 

“Guys!” Steven yelled. “This is **EXACTLY** why I didn’t tell you about this! You would react this way and... and...”

His pink started to fade away.

“I need to be alone.” Steven said, sternly.

He walked towards the temple doors and a pink light came from the top. The door opened and Steven walked inside. The gems looked at each other and followed Steven. They couldn’t open his room door so they stayed close. They could only hear him talking. 

They waited for Steven to come back. 

—————

Steven entered the room and sighed. He bent down and sat with his back on the door. The sharp pain ran through his spine. He forgot about his scars and the pain it gives him. 

He looked around the room and saw pink and white clouds, floating around.

Steven sighed and walked further towards the emptiness in the room. He heard faint whispering coming from the door. 

_”Of course. The gems would be listening.”_ Steven thought, walking faster.

He stopped when he saw the clouds forming the shape of a round lady with poofy pink hair. It was Rose.

“Rose...” Steven whispered.

He couldn’t bring himself to call her his mother. After all she’s done, she doesn’t deserve that title.

Rose’s shape became more visible and a blank expression was on her face. Steven clenched his fists and gritted his teeth. His cheeks turning pink.

He stomped towards Rose and glared at her. 

“You...” Steven started, bringing his arms up. “You were the one who caused all this...”

Rose stayed silent. 

“After you left Homeworld, you just... just **decided** to have me!” Steven yelled, his voice gradually getting louder. “You left all your problems on **me**! Do you even **know** how that feels?!” 

Rose closed her eyes and her shape began to form a different gem. Pink Diamond. 

Now, Steven was even more mad to see her true form. His pink cheeks spreading to his whole body. Clenching his fists harder. His palms spilling some blood. 

“I’m emotionally **unstable** because of all your problems!” Steven continued. “I was just a **kid**! A kid shouldn’t have traumatic moments like what I had!”

Pink’s expression grew sadder. Her lips curved downwards and her eyes softened. 

“The corrupted gems, Yellow and Blue, White, Spinel, _**EVERYTHING THAT YOU HAD TO DEAL WITH!**_ ” 

Steven’s voice echoed through the walls, if there were any. The noice bounced back and echoed again. The clouds forming Pink became unstable and broke to pieces. Steven’s jacket fell off and onto the pile of clouds. 

Steven scoffed and picked up his jacket. His pink body fading to his normal peach colored skin. 

He walked towards the door and the door opened. Connie and the gems fell when the door opened. Connie looked up and saw Steven standing there.

“Steven?” Connie asked, reaching out with her hand. “Are you o—“

Her hand immediately got slapped away and her eyes met with Steven’s cold expression as Steven walked outside, putting his jacket on.

“Steven...” Connie whispered.


	6. Annoyance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pearl talks to Steven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the chapter!
> 
> Updates every Tuesday, Thursday, Friday!
> 
> My Instagram is gravity_universe_fanfic if you want to follow, I would appreciate it!

Steven sat in the soft sand on the beach, wind rustling through his hair. He was making scribbles in the sand with a stick. He heard the waves crashing and making a soothing sound. 

“Steven?” Pearl asked, standing behind him.

Steven looked behind him and saw a worried look on Pearl’s face, looking down on him.

“Hey Pearl...” Steven replied, looking back at the waves.

Pearl sat beside him and grabbed some sand. She opened her hand and the wind swept the sand away. 

“Listen, Steven.” Pearl started. “Your mother isn’t as bad as you think she is...”

Steven flinched and his cheeks turned pink, clenching his jacket.

“If you have _anything_ you want to talk about, you can talk to me Steven.”

“I know Pearl. _Everyone’s_ been saying that.”

“Good.”

The two sat in silence as Steven drew out his gem on the sand, wiping it away after.

“So, you heard everything?” Steven asked.

“Not everything, Steven. I only heard you yelling at someone.”

“Oh.”

“I assumed you were mad at your mother.”

“I’m just so annoyed with her.”

“...”

“She just left her problems for me to deal with.”

“It wasn’t her fault Steven. She never thought of the consequences of having a child.”

“Didn’t Dad think about them?”

“He didn’t know what she had to deal with.”

“So Mom never told him anything?”

“I’m afraid not...”

“...”

“She didn’t want your father to... to worry!”

“He _should_ be worried. She’s a gem for god’s sake!”

“...”

“Mom never once thought of what might happen if she gave birth to me?”

“...”

“Dad never knew about gem stuff until Mom came...”

“...”

“He could have lived a normal life but, instead he decided to have **me** with her...”

“Your father loved her.”

“...”

“Connie’s been worried about you, more than _anyone_ else.”

“I know.”

“I just hope you can understand why.”

“Mmhm...”

Silence again.

“Let me see.” Pearl said.

“See what?” Steven replied.

“Your _scars_ , Steven.”

“Oh, right.”

Steven lifted his shirt and Pearl shifted to his back. Pearl’s hand touched Steven’s back and Steven flinched.

“Does it hurt?” 

“Yeah... it’s fine...”

“If it hurts I won’t touch it.”

“...”

Pearl brought her knees to her chest and stared at Steven’s scars.

“I didn’t know that whatever you went through had such an impact on you.”

“I was just a _kid_ Pearl.”

“I know, you said you could handle it.”

“ _I_ said that?”

“Yes.”

“...”

“You were just like your mother. Kind, hard-headed, _strong_.”

“Hmm...”

“You never let anyone feel sad.”

“I guess I didn’t...”

“I’ve never seen a human child before, but when you were brought into the world, I felt as though I have already met you before.”

“...”

“I felt a strong connection. It wasn’t because you were your mother.”

“...”

“Steven. I wouldn’t compare you to your mother.”

“...”

“Just because you have the same gem as her, does _not_ mean that you are one in the same.”

“...”

“You and your mother are different people.”

Silence. 

Pearl stood up and walked towards the beach house. She stopped and looked at Steven. 

“Are you coming, Steven?” 

“Yeah, I’m coming...”

Pearl smiled and grabbed Steven’s hand and pulled him up. 

“Everyone’s waiting...”

Steven smiled back and followed Pearl.

—————

The door opened and Connie ran up to Steven. 

“Oh, Steven!” Connie sobbed. “I’m sorry if I ever made you feel bad!”

“We’re sorry too, Steven.” Garnet said.

“It’s alright you guys.” Steven replied.

Steven hugged Connie and kissed her on the cheek.

“Sorry Connie.”

“Don’t be Steven.”

The gems came in together for a group hug. Steven was squished in the middle of it. Lion jumped on top of the pile and licked Steven’s face.

“Lion!” Steven cried.

The group laughed together and hugged tighter. 

“I love you guys.” Steven whispered.


	7. Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven and Connie fuse but something is wrong with Steven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ⚠️TW: SUICIDAL THOUGHTS!⚠️
> 
> Enjoy the chapter!
> 
> Updates every Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday!
> 
> My Instagram is gravity_universe_fanfic if you want to follow, I would appreciate it!

Steven tossed and turned on his bed. He wasn’t having a nightmare but his bed was just suddenly... uncomfortable. Every position he took just made it seem worse. 

“Maybe it’s my scars...” Steven mumbled.

He didn’t feel any back pain though so, it wasn’t his scars. They didn’t feel like anything anymore. It just felt numb. For now, at least. 

—————

“Good morning Steven!” Pearl cried. 

She seemed to be the only one in the kitchen. 

“Hey Pearl.” Steven grumbled. 

Pearl noticed the bags under his eyes.

“Didn’t sleep well?” Pearl asked.

“Nghh... I’m fine.” Steven groaned. 

“If there’s anything you need you can—“ Pearl was cut off.

“Tell anyone, I know Pearl.” Steven said, wiping his eyes.

Pearl looked at him, worried. She slammed a plate of breakfast for him and Steven flinched.

“This is... for me?” Steven asked, looking at a single Cookie Cat on the plate.

“Yes Steven.” Pearl replied. “Who else would it be?” 

“Umm...” Steven stared at it. 

“You should eat something, Steven.” Pearl said, sternly.

“I’m fine really...” Steven replied. “I had a midnight snack.”

“Still, I don’t want you to starve to death.”

“But, I’m fine...”

“Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.”

“...?”

“As I have heard from people, but that doesn’t make it false.”

“Oh uhh... okay then...”

“Good.”

Steven bit a piece of the Cookie Cat’s ear and gulped it down. It didn’t taste any different than any other Cookie Cat.

“Connie said she’ll stop by today.”

“Oh...”

“Maybe you two could get some fresh air?”

“Okay...” 

“...”

“Where’s the others?” 

“Garnet and Amethyst are... somewhere. The B-team is at Little Homeworld.” 

“You... don’t know where Garnet and Amethyst are?”

“They left on the warp without saying anything.”

“Hmm...”

“...”

“I’m going out to wait for Connie.”

“Oh okay Steven. Be careful!”

Steven grabbed his jacket and went out to the boardwalk and onto the beach. He stood there, hearing the waves crash and the wind was soft around his hair. 

A nearby voice was calling him.

“Steven!” Connie cried, waving and running towards him.

“Connie!” Steven called back.

The two ran towards each other and gave a big hug. Steven gave a kiss on the cheek and Connie did the same. 

Steven let go of Connie and she landed on the ground. 

“It’s great to see you Steven!” Connie cried.

“I haven’t seen you in a week!” Steven cried back.

“Yeah I’m sorry, college stuff.” Connie said. “Still trying to apply for Jayhawk.” 

“Hmm... ok...”

“Are you okay Steven?”

“Yeah... I’m okay...”

“You thinking about something?”

“No it’s fine...”

“Okay...”

The two sat down on the sand in silence. Connie played with her hair and Steven rubbed his arm nervously.

“So... what’s up Steven?” Connie asked. “Anything new lately?”

“Oh, you know, waking up, eating, sleeping, the usual.” Steven responded.

Connie giggled.

“Any nightmares recently?”

“Not really.”

“Anything... with the gems?”

“No, nothing new...”

“I see...”

Silence again. 

“What did you and Pearl talk about last week?” Connie asked.

Steven’s cheeks turned a faded pink.

“Nothing...” Steven replied, looking away.

“Steven?”

“I’m okay...” 

“You’re... turning pink again...”

“It’s alright Connie...” 

“But—“

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Steven—“

“It’ll go away anyway...”

Steven’s body started turning pink.

“Steven... I think we should talk about it.”

“How?”

Connie hugged Steven. 

They started to glow and only Steven’s gem was visible. The glow disappeared and Stevonnie appeared after. They were pink and glowing like Steven.

“Okay, okay... calm down...” Stevonnie assured themselves.

“But, how am I supposed to do that?” They were talking to themselves, like Steven talking to Connie.

“Just breathe...” 

“Okay, okay...”

Stevonnie took a deep breath. The pink started to fade away but, immediately came back through their body.

“What’s happening?”

“I d-don’t know!” 

“Please calm down.”

“I’m t-trying...!”

Thoughts were racing through their mind. They were Steven’s. Connie was overwhelmed and Stevonnie stumbled back.

“What are you doing?” 

“I don’t know!”

“Why are you thinking about this?”

“Please just don’t...”

The fusion split back into Connie and Steven. Steven was still glowing pink and had his knees to his chest. Connie looked at him, terrified and worried.

“Steven...” Connie said, softly. “Why were you thinking about these... these thoughts?”

“P-Please...” Steven stuttered. “Don’t look at me...”

“But, Steven...” Connie said. “I’m worried about you...”

Steven stayed silent. 

“I’ll always worry about you, Steven...”

“...”

“Please, tell me what’s going on?”

“...”

“Why were you thinking this?”

“...”

“Why did you... why did you want to _end_ yourself?”

“Because...”

“...?”

“I don’t feel like living anymore...”

“What?!”

“...”

“What do you mean?!”

“...”

“You should be alive, Steven...”

“...”

“The gems love you, your dad loves you.”

“...”

“ **I** love you.”

“...”

“So don’t think these crazy thoughts... because you are worth living...”

Steven sniffed and started to sob.

“Oh, Steven...” Connie said, hugging him gently.

“I’m sorry Connie.” Steven said. “I’m so pathetic that you have to take care of me...”

“Don’t say that...” Connie said. “I love to spend time with you.”

“You’re just saying that ‘cause you’re my friend...”

“ _Girl_ friend, Steven...”

Steven giggled, his pink fading away. “Girlfriend then...”

“Oooooooo!!” Amethyst cried from the boardwalk. 

“Now, that’s what I call love.” Garnet said.

“Amethyst! Garnet!” Pearl cried. “They’re having a moment...” 

“Oh right~~” Amethyst replied. “Don’t wanna disturb the lovebirds~~!”

“You’re right Pearl.” Garnet replied. “Let’s leave them be...”

Steven and Connie giggled as the gems walked back inside the beach house.

“Thanks Connie...”

“Anytime, Steven.”


	8. Imagination

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven sees his nightmares spilling out in the daytime.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the chapter! 
> 
> Updates every Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday!
> 
> My Instagram is gravity_universe_fanfic if you want to follow, I would appreciate it!

Nightmare. Again. Steven was getting tired of seeing another nightmare. The same thing happens: he sees something traumatic and the monster, his corrupted self, tries to take control of him again. Lately it’s been more lucid. He had more control over his dreams that it became boring over time. Now, he was in the middle of his dream, covering his ears and waiting for something to happen. Something did happen. The gems and Connie were walking towards him, saying he’s a monster and then leaving. Steven put his hands down and waited. The monster appeared, stuff happens and he wakes up. 

_”Alright, another nightmare done...”_ Steven thought.

It’s become a routine. Wake up, eat, sleep, nightmare, and repeat cycle. It’s become repetitive. Sometimes he would be out of it and the nightmares would freak him out but, usually, it’s been more... what’s the word? Oh yeah, boring.

“Good morning Steven!” Pearl cried. “I was just about to make breakfast!”

“Don’t want any...” Steven said, waving his hand and grabbing his jacket.

“Steven~~” Amethyst called out. “Going to see your girlfriend~~?” 

Steven flinched and blushed. 

“N-no...” Steven shot back. “Fresh air, that’s all...” 

“Hmmm~~ okay Steven. Have fun!” Amethyst called.

Steven rolled his eyes and opened the door to the boardwalk. He stepped down to the beach and sat down on the soft sand. He dug his fingers into the grains of sand and watched the sun rise. The beach has become warmer nowadays. It’s nice. Refreshing, relaxi—

“Steven!” Connie cried. 

“Hey Connie.” Steven waved. 

“So, what’s up? Why are you out here so early?”

“I don’t know, just—“ Steven was cut off.

He looked behind Connie and saw the younger version of him. The younger Connie was beside him, in a bubble. Steven stood up, panting. He saw Connie’s mouth move but, he couldn’t hear anything. The other voices were blocked out. 

“Steven!” Connie said. “Are you okay?”

“Oh! Yeah...” Steven’s hallucination disappeared and his breathing became even again.

“Are you sure? You spaced out...”

“No! Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Okay, you scared me, Steven...”

“Sorry, Connie.”

She sat back down.

“Sit, Steven.”

She patted the sand next to her. Steven looked down and sat beside her. 

“Is... something going on?” Connie asked, finally.

“No... nothing in particular...” Steven said, leaning towards where the hallucination was. 

Connie looked behind her and saw nothing, just some sand and the rocks.

“There’s nothing there, Steven...” 

“Yeah, sorry.” He snapped back his attention. 

“Did you see something?” 

“No...”

“Steven? Come on, you can tell me.”

Steven looked away. 

“It’s okay, Connie.”

“Okay then. You can tell me anything, okay?”

“Okay...”

—————

“Steven?” Pearl called. “Can you help me with this?”

Steven ran down the stairs. 

“Sure Pearl, what is it?”

“I’m trying to clean Amethyst’s room since she doesn’t bother doing that...” 

“Oh! Uhh...”

“Amethyst!!”

“Pearl! What is it?” Amethyst called out.

“Are you playing Steven’s games again? I told you not to—!”

“Yeah yeah, what’s up?”

“Open your room door, will you?”

“Okay, okay...”

Amethyst came from the stairs and stood next to the door. 

“Happy?” 

“Yes...”

“Okay, I’m going back to my games...”

Pearl sighed.

“Let’s go in, Steven.”

“Oh, yeah...”

They entered Amethyst’s room but it seemed like a giant garbage dump, junk left and right. Pearl looked around and grabbed a mop from her gem.

“Let’s get to work, Steven...”

“Oh uh... sure.”

They walked further into the pile and Pearl started to sweep the floors. She pulled another mop from her gem and handed it to Steven.

“Here, take this and sweep over there.”

“O-okay...”

Steven took the mop from her hand and walked the opposite direction from Pearl. He put the mop on the ground and started to sweep.

“Does that new form... hurt you?” A voice said, similar to Steven’s.

Steven turned around. He saw Garnet and Amethyst, and himself, younger. Amethyst’s arm and leg were bulged out. He couldn’t hear anything anymore. It was just like this morning.

“Steven!” Pearl cried. 

Steven shook his head and looked at Pearl. She gestured to Steven to follow her. Steven walked towards her.

 _”Another hallucination...”_ Steven thought.

—————

“Hey Steven!” Amethyst cried. “Are you done with Pearl?” 

“Oh! Yeah, we finished a while ago.” Steven replied. “Actually we gave up, your room is too hard to clean.”

Amethyst laughed. 

“At least you’re done!” Amethyst cried. “Let’s hang out today!” 

“Okay! That would be nice!”

“Let’s go to Little Homeworld, I’m supposed to check up on the gems there but you can come too!”

“Sure!”

Steven followed Amethyst to the warp and they landed in Little Homeworld. Gems were walking left and right. Steven thought it was nice to see them again.

“C’mon Steven!” Amethyst cried. 

Steven giggled and followed Amethyst. They watched so many gems in their classes in Little Homeschool. They saw the gems happy and safe. 

Amethyst and Steven sat down on a bench and sighed. 

“Man, that was a rough day...” Amethyst said.

“Yeah...” Steven said.

Steven looked at Amethyst and her eyes were pitch black, staring at Steven. 

“W-wha—“ Steven was cut off.

“You’re a **MONSTER** , Steven.” Amethyst’s distorted voice said.

“W-what did you say?” 

“I said, do you wanna head back now?” Her voice was back to normal.

“Oh... uhh... yeah, sure.”

“You okay, dude?”

“Mmhm...”

“Okay, let’s go then!”

Steven stood up after Amethyst and walked towards the warp.

—————

They warped back into the beach house and Amethyst patted Steven’s back.

“Thanks dude for helping me.” Amethyst said, smiling.

“No probl—“ Steven stopped.

“I only _actually_ shattered Jasper!” A voice said, the same as Steven’s. 

Steven looked in front of him and saw the gems, his dad, and Connie. They were surrounding his taller, pinker self. The same scene was laid out in front of him. They were saying something but, Steven couldn’t hear anything. 

“I’m a fraud.” The hallucination said. 

_”Oh no...”_ Steven thought.

He knew what was going to happen. 

“I’m a fraud... I’m a _**MONSTER**_!!” 

Pink spikes came out from his back.

Steven stumbled back, falling to the ground. He felt someone shaking him and heard some yelling. More people came and the hallucination glitched and disappeared. 

The gems were in front of Steven, Connie was beside him.

“Wha—what happened?” Steven asked. “Why are you all here?” 

“Amethyst called us.” Pearl said. 

“You were spacing out again.” Connie said.

“You spaced out before?” Pearl asked.

“Yeah... sorry I didn’t tell you.” Steven said.

“What’s happening? Are you seeing something?” Connie said.

“Yeah... I mean I guess so.”

“Well, what are you seeing?” 

“Some...” Steven’s words turned to whispers. “Memories...”

“Oh...” Pearl sighed.

“Maybe some sleep will help, it’s getting dark.” Garnet said, tapping his shoulder.

“Yeah, thanks...” Steven responded.

“I’m staying over for the night...” Connie said. “If you want to talk, I’m here, okay?”

“Yeah, thanks Connie.”

Connie stood up and held a hand out for Steven. Steven grabbed her hand and got up. They walked upstairs and to Steven’s room. 

“Goodnight Steven.” The gems called.


	9. Meanwhile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gems go to Homeworld while Steven’s at therapy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the chapter!
> 
> Updates every Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday!
> 
> My Instagram is gravity_universe_fanfic if you want to follow, I would appreciate it!

Steven ran downstairs with his bag and his jacket in hand. 

“Steven!” The gems cried.

“Sorry guys!” Steven cried back, putting his jacket on. “I’m almost late for my therapy appointment! I’ll see you later!”

“Okay! Bye Steven!” Pearl called, only hearing the door slam shut.

They watched as Steven ran past the beach and to the city.

The gems sighed. 

“What are we going to do?” Pearl asked. “Is he going to be okay?” 

Garnet lifted her glasses.

“Yeah. He’ll be fine, Pearl.” Garnet assured her, tapping her shoulder. “It’s going to be okay.”

“Man!” Amethyst cried, bringing her arms behind her head. “It’s so boring without Steven! What are we gonna do?”

The gems sat in thought. 

“Wouldn’t Connie know what to do?” Pearl asked. “She’s been with Steven for the past week now...”

“I’ll call her...” Garnet said, grabbing her phone from the kitchen counter.

—————

“I’m here!” Connie burst the door open. “What’s going on? Where’s Steven?” 

“Hi Connie.” Pearl waved nervously. “Steven’s at therapy right now... we wanted to discuss what to do...”

“I see...” Connie sighed. “Well, why don’t we ask around Little Homeworld?”

“We did before, the gems are still learning human interactions...” Garnet replied.

“Y’know...” Amethyst started, Garnet, Pearl, and Connie looking at her. “Mmm... maybe it’s a bad idea...”

“What is it Amethyst?!” Pearl cried, grabbing her shoulders.

Amethyst started to sweat.

“There is one person who might have been through something as bad as Steven...”

“ **Who?!** ” Everyone cried.

—————

Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, and Connie warped to Homeworld. 

“Wow, it’s been such a _long_ time...” Connie said, looking around and focusing her attention on the giant Diamond mech.

It was missing its legs, but still towering over the area.

The gems and Connie walked towards it. Connie reached behind for her sword but felt nothing there. She didn’t bring it. Her reflexes were still saying that this was a bad place to be. 

“Steven?” Spinel popped her head out from the palace entrance.

“Hey Spinel.” Connie waved. 

“Connieeeeeee!!” Spinel sprinted towards Connie and gave her a big hug with her stretched arms. 

“Hello Spinel.” Pearl said. 

“Oh! Pearl!” Spinel cried.

Spinel looked around her and saw Garnet and Amethyst too.

“What’s going on?” Spinel asked. “Is there a party? I love parties! I’ll get the Diamonds!”

“No!” Connie said, grabbing her arm. “No. Sorry Spinel but, we’re here for you.”

“Me?” Spinel said, twisting her arm around and pointing at herself. “Why would you want lil’ ol’ me?”

“So, Pink Diamond left you in the Garden for... 6000 years, right?” 

“Yeah...”

“You would say it’s... traumatic... right?”

“I guess so? I’m not exactly sure of human stuff yet!”

“Steven’s been struggling with his traumatic moments... kinda like if you took your experience and multiplied it by 5...”

“Is that bad?”

“I’m saying that his experiences are **worse** than yours...”

“Oh...”

“I was wondering if you would come to Earth and talk to Steven!”

Spinel hesitated. 

“I want to make up for what I did to your... planet...” Spinel started. “If doing this will make Steven happy, I’ll do it!”

“Oh! Thank you so much!” Connie cried, holding Spinel’s hands.

The gems looked at each other and smiled. 

“But,” Spinel interrupted. “Probably not today, I’m going to have to talk to the Diamonds and I have some plans for tomorrow!” 

“Oh, that’s okay! Then, when do you think you can come?” Connie asked.

Spinel tapped her chin and looked at Connie.

“I will come in three days!” Spinel cried, holding up three fingers.

“That’s great Spinel!” Connie cried. “Thank you so much, for helping Steven.”

“No problem!”

“I’m... going to need to head back...”

The gems nodded and walked towards the warp. Connie smiled at Spinel and waved goodbye. Spinel waved back.

—————

The gems and Connie warped back to the beach house. There, they saw Steven doing the dishes. 

“Steven?” Connie asked. “What are you doing here?” 

“Oh! My therapy appointment’s done! I just want to do something around the house!” Steven said, scrubbing a plate.

“Oh! I told Amethyst to do those dishes!” Pearl cried. 

“But, P! You never said anything!” Amethyst cried.

“Because those games are distracting you!” Pearl yelled.

Garnet looked at them and smiled. Connie looked at Steven. He was looking at Amethyst and Pearl, laughing. 

Connie could see some tear marks right below his eyes. 

_”I hope therapy is helping you...”_ Connie thought, smiling at Steven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I hope you are enjoying the chapters so far!
> 
> I have always loved the time travel AU from different creators with Classic Steven and Future Steven!
> 
> The first chapter will be out on Saturday!
> 
> Stay tuned!


	10. Anxiety

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Therapy is making Steven’s stress worse and he doesn’t know what to do... he just needs to distract himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ⚠️TW: SELF HARM!⚠️
> 
> Enjoy the chapter!
> 
> Updates every Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday!
> 
> My Instagram is gravity_universe_fanfic if you want to follow, I would appreciate it!

“Hey guys!” Steven folded his umbrella when he entered the beach house and rested it next to the front door.

“Steven!” Pearl cried. “Are you wet? That storm is terrible!”

“Pearl! I’m fine! Besides I had an umbrella!”

“Yes, I understand but, I just want to make sure. How was therapy?”

“Good, as usual...”

“Good...”

Silence. Pearl wasn’t exactly sure what to talk about with Steven anymore. Steven rubbed his arm nervously.

“Well! I should be... uhh... getting some rest!” Steven stuttered, immediately rushing to his room upstairs.

“Oh! Okay Steven! Have a good rest!” Pearl cried, waving.

She glanced at the clock. 4:17pm. She wasn’t sure of the usual bedtimes for Steven. 

—————

Steven ran to his room and plopped on his bed, his face covered by his pillow. He sighed heavily and looked at the time. 

4:23pm. He didn’t know what to do. He sat up on his bed and grabbed his phone from his jacket pocket. He scrolled through his contacts and passed Connie’s. Maybe, if he talked to her, he would feel better. 

Steven pressed Connie’s contact and put it through to a call. He wasn’t comfortable with FaceTime right now.

The phone rung. 

4:25pm. No answer. 

Steven sighed and put his phone down on the table beside him. He laid down on the bed on his side and stared at the window. It was raining. Not as hard as before but, more like drizzles now. 

The phone started to ring. It played Steven’s ringtone. Steven jolted up and immediately grabbed his phone. FaceTime with Connie. Steven frowned and took a deep breath. He answered the call. 

“Steven?” Connie asked. “Is something wrong? Sorry, I didn’t answer your calls before...”

“It’s okay...” Steven said, rubbing his neck. “I’m sorry I bothered you...”

“Don’t be Steven...”

“...”

“Why did you want to call me?”

“Just... wanted to see your face...”

Connie giggled.

“Steven... is there something you want to talk about?”

“...”

“How was therapy today?”

“Oh, you know, the usual.”

“Okay...”

“...”

“Well, Spinel said she’s coming to visit tomorrow...”

“Oh...”

“Are you okay, Steven?”

“Yeah, I’m fine...”

“But, you’re... crying...”

Steven flinched and noticed his flowing tears running down his face. How come he didn’t notice it before?

“Oh! Sorry Connie.” Steven said, attempting to wipe his tears. 

“Steven... what happened...?” Connie asked. “Was it therapy?”

“No! No... it’s nothing.” Steven replied, his tears now coming to a stop.

“Okay... well, call me if you need me, okay?” Connie said, reaching for her phone. “I have to go! Bye Steven!”

She hung up. Steven blinked and a single tear came down. He placed his phone on the table and laid on his bed. 

—————

8:33pm. Steven skipped dinner. He didn’t feel like eating. His stomach twisted and turned. His body was telling him to eat but he refused. He was starving. One snack couldn’t hurt, right? No... he wanted to resist. He wasn’t hungry. He kept telling himself that but, of course, it wasn’t helping. 

He turned to his side on his bed and faced the table next to him. Scissors. It wasn’t his. It could have been Amethyst’s. She always has random junk in her room. She must have left it there by accident. Steven just needed to give... it... back...

Steven was caught in a trance. He grabbed the scissors and walked downstairs and into the bathroom. What was he doing? This wasn’t giving it back to Amethyst. 

He sat on the toilet and stared at the scissors in his hand. What does he do now?

“I... I want my pain to... go away.” Steven says in a monotone voice as he lifts the scissors up. 

He swung the scissors towards his arm and it stabbed him. Not too hard, but, enough to make him bleed. Blood was dripping onto the carpet below him. 

_”What am I doing?”_ Steven thought, like he had lost control of his body.

Steven smiled. It felt... good. It gave him more pain but it distracted him. 

He lifted the scissors again and swung them back down repeatedly, each making a new wound on his arm, sometimes even making a wound worse. 

By now, his arm was covered with blood. Some dripped onto the carpet. He placed the scissors down on the sink. 

Steven snapped back his attention. He suddenly realized what he did. He... hurt himself. Intentionally. That wasn’t something he has done before. As far as he can remember. 

Steven covered his mouth with his hand as he stared at the wounds and screamed. His screams were muffled though. 

_”What do I do?”_ Steven thought, keeping this question in his mind. 

“Connie.” Steven whispered. 

She would know what to do.

—————

Steven ran upstairs with the bloody scissors and grabbed his phone, trying his best to let no one see his arm. 

8:54pm. Connie might be awake.

Steven pressed Connie’s contact and put it through to a call. 

The phone rung. 

“Steven?” Connie asked. “You’re awake?”

“Yeah. Sorry Connie...” Steven said, taking a deep breath. “Could you... come over?” 

“Sure, Steven... I’ll grab Lion...” Connie said. “Where are you?”

“My room.” 

“Okay, I’ll be there.”

“Sorry for making you do this.”

“I don’t mind...”

“...”

“I’ll be there soon...”

Connie hung up. The monotone ring wasn’t really a good sound to hear for Steven.

A pink portal appeared beside Steven’s window and Lion leapt out into his room with Connie on his back. 

“Hey Steven...”

“Hi... Connie...”


	11. Assurance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie discovers Steven’s wounds and talks to him about them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ⚠️TW: MENTION OF SELF HARM!⚠️
> 
> Enjoy the chapter!
> 
> Updates every Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday!
> 
> My Instagram is gravity_universe_fanfic if you want to follow, I would appreciate it!

“Hi... Connie...” Steven whispered as he rubbed his arm, wincing at the touch of his wounds.

“Steven... what’s wrong?” Connie asked, reaching for his hand.

Steven immediately swung his arm away. Connie flinched and sat down beside him. 

“Is... something wrong?” Connie asked. “With your arm?”

Steven looked away and stayed silent. 

“Steven. If you want me to help you, you should tell me...”

“...”

“Please Steven. I want to help you.”

“Maybe... there is something on my arm.”

At this point, the wounds felt worse and made Steven cry a bit. Connie wiped a tear off and reached her hand out. She gestured to Steven to show her his arm. Steven uncovered his arm and revealed his wounds, less blood than before. 

“Oh! Steven! What did you do?” 

“I... umm... I... oh gosh...”

“Please tell me what’s going on!”

“I’m sorry Connie...”

“Why are you sorry? Did someone do this to you?”

“No...”

“Then, what happened?” 

“I... I cut... myself...”

“What?!”

“...”

“What happened? Did someone tell you to do this? Isn’t therapy helping you?” 

“No! No one forced me to do this! I did this of my own will! And therapy is **not** helping me. That’s exactly why I wanted to hurt myself...”

“It’s not... helping you?” 

“I know that you’re supposed to talk about your feelings but, it makes me more anxious... I don’t want to talk about my traumatic moments...”

“Steven... that’s exactly why you should talk about them...”

“...”

“Also my mom recommended it...”

“But, she’s not a therapist. She doesn’t know how I feel.”

“But, she is a doctor. Doctors are supposed to heal you, aren’t they?”

“Yeah... I guess so...”

“I’m sorry Steven, but the only way to move on is to talk about these feelings...”

“I probably won’t get used to it...”

“That’s okay! As long as it helps you to talk about your feelings, I’m okay with that...”

“Okay... Thanks Connie...”

Connie smiled and hugged Steven, tracing his back scars and looking at his arm. 

“Steven... should we maybe... tell the gems about this?”

“What?! No! You saw how they reacted to my back scars. This is much worse... I’ll just heal myself...”

“Okay... but, you should tell the gems if you ever do this again...”

“I promise Connie...”

“And you’re going to keep that promise?” 

“Yes, of course...”

The two separated from the hug and Connie gave a soft kiss on the cheek. She then hopped on Lion. 

“My parents must be wondering where I am...”

“No it’s fine... sorry for bringing you here...”

“Don’t be! Okay, see you soon!”

Steven waved as Lion roared a portal open and jumped through with Connie. 

Steven laid on his bed and stared at the ceiling. He then looked at his wounded arm. He licked his opposite hand and started to wipe it on his arm, causing the bleeding to stop. For some reason, the healing didn’t heal everything. 

There were scars. He’s going to need to talk to the gems about this, his scars and his healing powers.


	12. Trauma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before Steven talks to the gems, he talks to Spinel, who is visiting for the next few days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the chapter! 
> 
> Updates every Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday!
> 
> My Instagram is gravity_universe_fanfic if you want to follow, I would appreciate it!

Steven laid on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He glanced at the clock. 8:29am. Steven didn’t sleep much. Only a couple hours until his back pain came back through his body again and he couldn’t sleep after that. He was thinking about his conversation with Connie several hours ago. She said that Spinel would—

“Steven!” Spinel cried, trying to jump onto him, immediately being stopped by Pearl.

“Spinel! Steven is sleep— Oh! You’re awake!” Pearl cried, glaring at Spinel and looking at Steven.

“Good morning guys...” Steven said nervously. “I didn’t know that you would be coming this early Spinel...”

“Is this too early?” Spinel asked, looking out the window.

“No, well, it’s fine...” Steven assured her, seeing Pearl leave the room.

“Okay! Well, Connie told me to talk to you...” 

“About... what exactly?” 

“I’m not sure.”

Spinel shrugged.

“Just talk I guess...?” 

“Okay...”

“Is Connie here?”

Steven blushed.

“No! No, why would she be here?”

“Well, she called me over here, didn’t she?”

“I guess, but, no! She’s not here...”

“Oh ok...”

“...”

“Can I sit?” 

“Sure!”

The two sat in silence. 

“Soooo...” Spinel started. “What’s up?”

“Nothing much.” Steven shrugged, looking away.

“So, uhh... Connie said to talk to you about your feelings...” 

“Feelings... huh?”

“Yeah... so what do you feel right now?”

“I don’t know... tired, mad, hungry...”

“Why are you mad? Is that something humans feel when they wake up?”

“No just... I don’t feel very good right now...”

“Then, let’s talk about it!” 

“...”

“What about your mom?”

Steven flinched and his cheeks turned pink.

“She’s... not someone I want to talk about...”

“Me neither Steven... but, it’s at least _something_ we can talk about...”

“Mm...”

“I mean, she left me in the Garden for... heh... 6000 years! You think _I’m_ comfortable with talking about her?”

“...”

“Heh...”

“...”

“Connie said that your experiences are worse than mine... is that true?”

“You could say that...”

“Then what’s worse that I have not experienced?”

“Well, Pink left me to deal with her problems, I had to deal with them at a very young age and it impacted my entire life that by the time I was older it was affecting my life more and I started turning pink and more like her or more like the Diamonds and I didn’t like that so I shattered a gem, avoided my family and friends and eventually turned into a giant pink monster who’s still haunting me to this day.”

Spinel’s eyes widened as Steven took a deep breath.

“Okay... yeah that’s a lot worse...”

“...”

“Do you... want to talk about it?”

“Not really...”

“Connie also mentioned this... thing called therapy?”

“...”

“Is that supposed to help you with... whatever you’re experiencing?”

“Yeah, but it’s not helping me in my opinion...”

“Well, I can be your therapy person! Or gem I guess...”

Steven raised an eyebrow. 

“You? Why?”

“Because I want to help you and we share the same problem! We can connect or something...”

“Uhh... okay...”

“Great! Well, I’ll be here for the next... two days so you can talk to me if you want!”

“...”

Spinel frowned.

“Maybe a ‘thanks Spinel! You’re my best friend!’”

“Thanks Spinel...”

“Hmm...? What was that?”

“You’re my best friend, Spinel!” Steven smiled.

Spinel huffed in agreement and walked out the door. 

“I’ll be in Little Homeworld! See ya!”

“Bye Spinel!”

Steven waved as Spinel bounced to Little Homeworld with a squeak in her steps.

_”I hope I can talk to you, Spinel...”_


	13. Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven meets with the B-team for the day and spends time with each of them. 
> 
> Bismuth doesn’t appreciate Spinel on Earth. Lapis is having trouble adjusting to fusion. Peridot doesn’t seem to want to talk to anyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the chapter!
> 
> Updates every Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday!
> 
> My Instagram is gravity_universe_fanfic if you want to follow, I would appreciate it!

Pearl walked downstairs and saw Steven sitting at the table and eating breakfast. Steven turned around and looked at Pearl, his mouth full with eggs. 

“Good morning Steven...” Pearl said, waving.

Steven gulped down his food.

“Hey Pearl!” Steven cried. “Are you going somewhere?”

“Yes... umm... we have some work to do in the city actually...”

“Oh okay...”

“Do you mind if you stay with the B-team for today? It won’t be for long.”

“Yeah! Don’t worry.”

“Thank you Steven...”

Garnet and Amethyst walked inside from their rooms and followed Pearl to the city. Amethyst waved but Garnet didn’t say or do anything. 

“Bye guys! See you soon!” Steven cried, waving.

Steven’s phone rung. It was Connie.

“Hey Connie!” Steven said.

“Hi Steven! Oh! Sorry, are you busy?” Connie asked.

“No! Not at all! I’m heading over to Little Homeworld if you need me.” 

“Oh! Staying with the B-team?”

“Yeah. The gems are off to the city.”

“I see... well, I’ll see you there!”

“Wait! You’re coming?”

“Yeah of course! I’ll grab Lion and meet you there!”

“Okay Connie! See you!”

“Bye Steven!”

The call ended. Steven put his phone in his pocket and walked outside with his jacket. It was a warm, sunny day so Steven wrapped his jacket around his waist. A day with the B-team... doesn’t sound so bad... right?

—————

“Hey Bismuth!” Steven cried, running towards the forge at Little Homeschool.

“Steven!” Bismuth cried. “You’re just in time!”

“For what?” Steven was having déjà vu.

“I need you to inspect this armor for a Pearl. I changed the design from... last time but, I think I got it!”

“Hmm...” Steven looked at it thoughtfully.

“So? How is it?”

“It’s— wait Bismuth, why would you need an armor suit for a Pearl?”

Bismuth blushed.

“Uhh... no reason... just wanted to try a new design.”

“I mean, it’s beautiful, it suits a Pearl that’s for sure.”

Steven winked and elbowed Bismuth’s arm. She blushed even more and looked at the armor.

“Y-yeah! It’s great! Isn’t it?”

Steven nodded in agreement. 

“Okay... I’m just gonna put that there.”

Bismuth lifted the armor and shoved it aside to a different room.

“So... what brings you here?”

“Oh! Pearl didn’t tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

“She and the gems were off to the city and they left me with you and the rest of the B-team...”

Steven looked around and then popped his head out the door.

“Where’s Lapis and Peridot?”

“They... aren’t here... well, I mean they are... but, uhh...“ Bismuth stuttered.

“It’s okay, I’ll find them later...”

“Did you see her?”

“Who?”

Bismuth went outside and pointed to where Spinel was, talking with some other gems and laughing.

“Yeah? Spinel came yesterday...”

“Yeah... I know...”

Bismuth glared at Spinel.

“What’s wrong? You don’t like her?”

“Well, I mean she did try to poison the Earth and she did rejuvenate the gems and also took away your powers but, what’s not to like about _her_?”

Bismuth said sarcastically and laughed nervously.

“Are you still mad about your scaffolding?”

Bismuth flinched.

“No! Steven! The end of the world is kind of a bigger deal then just... scaffolding...”

Steven giggled. 

“Cut her some slack. She was rejuvenated too. She doesn’t remember anything from when she was.”

“Yeah... I know...”

“Connie’s coming too, Bismuth.”

“She is?”

Steven smiled.

A pink portal appeared in front of the forge and Lion jumped out with Connie.

“Hi Connie!” Steven cried, lovingly.

Steven ran in for a kiss and Bismuth smiled.

“So, you guys are a thing, huh?” Bismuth said, chuckling.

The two blushed.

“Yeah, you could say that...” Steven rubbed his neck and Connie hugged Steven’s arm.

Lion licked Connie.

“Lion! Okay! I came for his treats actually.” Connie said.

“Oh! You can go talk to Nephrite over there.” Bismuth pointed close to the warp.

“Thanks Bismuth!” Connie cried, running over and waving at her and Steven.

“Maybe I should make armor for Connie, Steven...” Bismuth smiled and nudged his arm.

“Bismuth!!” Steven shoved her away.

—————

“Lapis?” Steven looked everywhere for her but, finally saw her in the art studio.

“Oh. Hey Steven...” Lapis backed up and looked at her painting.

“It’s great, Lapis!” 

“Thanks! Hmm... maybe some more here...”

Steven smiled.

“I see you’re interested in the art department!”

“Mmhm... yeah sure...”

Steven stayed silent while Lapis worked on her painting.

“So, Steven... what’s up?” 

“Oh! Just checking in...”

Steven’s cheeks became pink.

Lapis looked over.

“Steven? You okay?”

“Yeah... just... it’s nothing...”

“Okay...”

Lapis moved closer to her painting.

“So, uhh... what are you painting?”

“Just the ocean... it’s the only thing I have on my mind right now.”

“Well, it looks great.”

“Thanks.”

Lapis added a few strokes of paint and lifted the water from a bucket.

“Do you... want to go outside?”

“Huh? Why, Lapis?”

“No reason...”

“Okay... I’ll meet you outside.”

Steven walked out the studio. Lapis placed the water back in the bucket and put her brushes in a different bucket. She walked out and smiled at Steven. She sprouted her water wings. 

“Come on Steven...” Lapis gestured for Steven to get on.

“Oh! Yeah...” Steven said nervously.

He climbed on and held on to Lapis.

“Oof! You’re getting heavier!”

“Hey! Lapis, you’re pretty strong anyway.”

Lapis blushed. 

“Yeah I know. I was kidding.”

Lapis then easily lifted Steven on her back.

Lapis took off and soared through the sky. Steven felt the wind rushing through his body and felt a chill. It wasn’t cold, it was warm. 

“Wow! I haven’t flown in a long time!” 

“Isn’t it great?”

Steven giggled.

“Hey Steven! Remember the first time we flew around like this?”

“Yeah! That was awesome! Thanks for this...”

“No prob, Bob.”

The two laughed as Lapis landed on the tall building in the middle of Little Homeworld. Steven got off Lapis’ back and hugged her. Lapis hugged him back.

A bright light came from the two and blurred their bodies. Only their gems were visible. 

The two fused. 

“Woah! This is... weird...”

They examined their body and found four arms. They were really tall, maybe taller than Stevonnie. Their hair felt poofy in the front and slick and smooth at the back.

“Wait!” The fusion cried. “I can’t do this!”

The fusion unfused back into Steven and Lapis.

“Lapis? What’s wrong?” 

“I can’t... I’m sorry...”

“No no. Don’t be...”

“It’s Malachite... I’m scared to fuse...”

“It’s okay Lapis...”

“I’m sorry Steven... I just... can’t...”

“If you’re not comfortable... I’m not forcing you...”

“...”

“I’m not like Jasper...”

“...”

“I won’t abuse our power like she did...”

“Thanks Steven...”

The two hugged each other.

“I know this isn’t really the time... but, do you happen to know where Peridot is?” 

“Uhh... I don’t know... I haven’t seen her for days...”

“I asked Bismuth but, it seemed like she doesn’t know either...”

“I can fly around and look if you want me to...”

“That would be great, Lapis...”

“No prob...”

Steven chuckled and walked downstairs. 

“I’ll see you later!”

“See you.”

—————

“Peridot?” Steven poked his head inside the forge. 

“Peridot?” Steven was now inside a pizza place.

“Where would she be?”

Steven walked inside the greenhouse. The plants there didn’t look like they were taken care of.

“Peridot? Peridot!”

Peridot was inside, typing away in her computer.

“Hello Steven...”

“Hey Peridot... are you... okay?”

“Yes, never been better...”

“Hmm... alright...”

Steven sat down beside her.

“Whatcha working on?”

“I made a major breakthrough in the injector... and yes, I know you said to take it away and never come in contact with it...”

“I... didn’t say it like that—“

“But! I have found some information on where it came from!”

“Uhh... I thought it came from the Prime Kindergarten...”

“That’s what I thought too! But, look!”

Peridot turned her computer screen towards Steven and pointed at the model of the injector.

“Uhh...”

“It came from Homeworld!” 

“Homeworld? Why would it be from there?”

“I don’t know! That’s exactly why I’m working so hard to figure it out!” 

“Look Peridot...”

Steven tapped her shoulder but, Peridot didn’t seem to care.

“Did you... see anyone besides me this whole week?”

“Nope! I’ve been sitting here on my computer for the past...” Peridot was counting with her fingers. “3 weeks!”

“3 weeks?!”

“Yes? Is there something wrong with that?”

“I mean, I know your a gem and all and you don’t need food or water but, your friends have been worried about you, especially Lapis and Bismuth.”

“Yes I know. Sometimes I hear them flying or stomping around here, screaming my name. It’s annoying really.”

“That’s because they’re worried about you.”

“...?”

“They have been trying to look for you.”

“Well, they would have found me easily, given that I spend most of my time here.”

“Yes but, they can’t see you huddled in a corner like this.”

“Isn’t that what your corruption felt like?”

Steven’s cheeks turned pink.

“W-what?”

“That’s what corruption feels like, you being shut out from the world.”

“T-that’s not—“

“Not letting anyone in when they call for you.”

“Peridot... that’s not what that feels like...”

Steven’s body starts to turn pink.

“Seems like it. I asked other uncorrupted gems and they said it feels like that.” 

“ **Fine!** If you don’t want my help, I won’t give it to you. You can stay here, wallowed up in your research while I actually help these gems in Little Homeschool. I was depending on you and the others to help these gems find their place on Earth. But, you completely ignored them.”

“Steven—“

“I’m going to leave, and until you feel like you can help these gems or your friends, don’t talk to me.”

Steven’s pink faded away and he stomped off and let Peridot sit in the greenhouse. 

—————

“Hey Bismuth, Lapis...” Steven groaned, entering the forge.

“Hey... Steven...” Bismuth said, worried.

“You okay?” Lapis asked.

“Yeah... I’m fine...”

“Did you find Peridot?”

“Yeah... in the greenhouse.”

“What? How come I didn’t notice her before?” Lapis cried, sprouting her wings.

“No. Wait, I told her to come only if she feels like she can help me with these gems. Just, leave her for now...”

“Did you... get mad?”

“I guess... I don’t know...”

“Steven...” Peridot said, knocking on the forge door. 

“Hey Peridot...” Steven said.

“We’ll leave you two alone...” Bismuth said, nudging Lapis’ arm and walking outside. 

“Steven... I want to say that I’m sorry.”

“You should be...”

“Yes... I should... but, I have a reason for my actions. You see, ever since we removed the injector. I heard from the gems that you wanted to find out where Spinel got it from. Since, now we are just keeping it in Little Homeworld.”

“Oh...”

“I wanted to try and find out where the injector came from to make you feel better. But, I guess you won’t feel any better.”

“No... I’m sorry... I never knew that you were doing this for me...”

“It’s okay, Steven... If you want me to stop, I will, because I’m willing to help these gems and my friends.”

“Thanks Peridot. I could give you a break day once a week for you to work on this mini project!”

“Thank you Steven.”

The two hugged. Steven felt a pain on his stomach. It was Peridot’s computer. 

“Uhh... Peridot... maybe you can...”

“Oh! Sorry Steven...”

“So, wanna get some food? We could bring Lapis and Bismuth too!”

“Yeah! We could get some fries or ice cream or maybe some pizza.”

Steven giggled.

“Hey guys! We’re going to get some food!”

“Aw yeah! I’m coming!” Bismuth cried, having never tried food before.

“Count me in.” Lapis said, smiling.

“I’m so glad I get to hang out with you guys!”

“Us too!” The three cried, hugging Steven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the last few chapters! 
> 
> I will be taking a break from now until about two weeks later. I have been posting non-stop and I was thinking of taking a break. 
> 
> Two Bright Stars and Madness won’t be updating until July 13th, 2020. Until then, I will be planning more chapters and answering to your comments. 
> 
> Check my Instagram, gravity_universe_fanfic, for updates and more information.
> 
> Thank you.


	14. A Normal Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven hasn’t had a panic attack since meeting with the B-team.
> 
> Connie sees Steven happy but knows him better than anyone else...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the chapter!
> 
> Updates every Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday!
> 
> My Instagram is gravity_universe_fanfic if you want to follow, I would appreciate it!

It was a week after meeting with the B-team. Steven was happily strolling down to the beach and to his car. Connie called him over for an early morning study session. Steven didn’t know what studying was but, still wanted to be there to support Connie. 

Steven twirled his keys around his finger, making a soft jingling sound. He started his car and started to move. On the road, he waved to the few people in the city who were awake. 

Connie’s house, a nice three-story building. Connie’s room was on the top floor. Steven walked out the car and floated up to Connie’s window. She was staring at her papers, writing, smiling, and turning the pages of her book and writing more. Steven grinned and knocked on the window.

“Connie?” Steven asked, still knocking.

Connie turned to the window and gasped. 

“Steven!” Connie opened the window and pulled him inside. 

The two fell onto the floor and laughed.

“Connie!” Dr. Maheswaran cried. “Is Steven here?”

“Yes Mom!” Connie cried back, giggling.

“Don’t make too much noise!”

“Okay!”

Steven got up and brought a chair to sit down beside Connie. Connie pulled her chair back and sat down.

“So...” Steven started.

“So...” Connie said. 

“Did Lion come here again?” 

“Yeah, he wouldn’t leave my side...”

“Where is he now?”

“Connie Maheswaran! Take care of your... pink dog!” Dr. Maheswaran cried.

“I got to go, I’ll be right back.”

Connie stood up and left her room to go downstairs.

Steven stood up and looked at her papers, full of neat handwriting and organized notes. He didn’t really understand what Connie was studying, but if her papers were full of notes like this, she would be very good at studying.

Steven walked around her room. He saw different colored hair clips stacked on her nightstand beside her bed. Steven grabbed one and examined it. It was a light green clip. 

“You know what happened back then...” A voice in Steven’s head whispered.

“Hi Steven! I’m back!” Connie cried.

Steven flinched and quickly placed the hair clip back on the stack.

“You okay?” Connie saw that Steven was blushing.

“Y-yeah!” Steven cried. “I know I wasn’t supposed to touch anything but uh—“

“It’s okay Steven...”

“Uhh... okay...” Steven was blushing more.

“So, where were we?”

“Umm... Studying, I guess...”

“Oh yeah!”

Connie walked to her chair and sat down.

“Do you... want some music?” Connie asked.

“Umm... sure...” Steven replied.

Connie reached for her phone and scrolled through. Steven plopped on Connie’s bed and tapped his fingers on the blanket.

“Here...” Connie tapped a song on her phone and set it down.

The song was... Steven’s... Steven recognized it as his song he made for the gems.

The song’s brief introduction came to an end and the lyrics came into play.

_”I don’t need you to respect me, I respect me...”_

“Connie... where’d you get the song?”

“I have my ways...”

_”I don’t need you to love me, I love me...”_

Steven smiled and stood up. Connie blushed.

_”But I want you to know, you could know me... if you change your mind~~”_

“You know Connie... it’s not the best song... It has the wrong tune and the lyrics are pretty quiet...”

“It’s okay Steven... no matter what you sing, how you sing it, and when, I’ll always like it...”

_”If you change your mind~~”_

“Well, if you like it... I like it too...”

“I don’t like it Steven...”

_”If you change your mind~~~”_

“I love it...”

The final string of the guitar was strung.

Connie wrapped her arms around Steven’s neck and softly kissed him. Steven widened his eyes and closed them again. Steven wrapped his arms around Connie’s waist. 

A single tear fell from his eye.

—————

“Hello Steven!” Pearl cried.

“Hey Pearl!” Steven cried back and waved as he walked downstairs.

“We heard some rumors of a corrupted gem in a different city.”

“I thought we got all of them?” 

“That’s what we thought too...” Garnet said.

“It’s just a rumor so we’re just gonna check it out!” Amethyst cried.

“Oh, that’s good...”

“Are you coming Steven?” Pearl asked.

“No! Sorry, I’m meeting Connie at Fish Stew Pizza today.” 

“Ooooo~~ the lovebirds are at it again!” Amethyst teased, raising an eyebrow.

Garnet summoned her glove and punched Amethyst.

“Hey!”

“Leave him alone Amethyst. He’s busy today...”

“Well, if you’re busy, I won’t stop you! We will be back soon so call us if you need us!” Pearl exclaimed, holding up her phone.

“P! We get it! You know how to use a phone!” Amethyst walked to the warp and wrapped her arms around her head.

“Steven, if you need us, we’ll be there...” Garnet assured Steven.

“Thanks guys, but I’ll be fine!”

Steven waved them goodbye as they warped away.

He grabbed his bag and walked out the beach house and to the pizza place.

Steven walked inside Fish Stew Pizza.

“Hey Connie!” Steven waved.

Connie was sitting at a table and looking at her phone.

“Hi Steven!” She waved back.

Steven walked to the table and sat across from Connie.

“I’m gonna go order, I’ll be right back.” Connie got up and walked to the counter.

Steven smiled and stared at the table. His hands were shaking but, he didn’t feel cold or scared. 

“Don’t you remember the last time you came here?” A voice in Steven’s head whispered.

Steven kept staring at the table and clenched his fists. 

“Here!” Connie slid a pizza on the table. 

“Oh! It... smells good...” Steven said nervously.

“Is... everything okay?”

“Yeah. Sorry, just, headache.”

“If you don’t feel good, I’ll walk you home after...”

“It’s okay... I don’t want to bother you...”

“No, Steven. If you need help, you can ask for it...”

“Okay then... you can walk me home... but, you don’t have to stay with me.”

“Okay... deal.”

Steven smiled and took a slice of pizza.

Connie did the same.

—————

“Phew! I’m stuffed!” Steven cried.

“That pizza was bigger than I expected.” Connie commented.

Steven smiled and held Connie’s hand.

Connie blushed.

“So, shall we, my liege?” Connie bowed.

Steven giggled.

“Yes, my knight...” Steven bowed back.

They both bursted into laughter.

“Remember when Pearl told that to us?” Connie asked.

Steven chuckled.

“Didn’t Pearl tell Connie that she was worth **nothing**?” The voice in Steven’s head was back.

Steven stopped laughing and stared at the ground.

“Steven? Are you okay?” Connie asked.

“Oh! Sorry.” Steven snapped back his attention. “What were you saying?”

“Well, Pearl would train me night and day and you tried to help and protect me...”

Steven blushed.

“I... I did that?” Steven twirled his hair around his finger.

“Yeah... it was cute...”

“Oh! Really? I don’t remember it well...” Steven was turning red.

Connie giggled and held Steven’s hand.

“Let’s go Steven...”

Steven smiled and they both walked back to the beach house.

—————

“Thanks Connie.” Steven said, holding both Connie’s hands.

“No problem Steven...” Connie hugged him and kissed him on the cheek.

Steven separated from the hug and kissed Connie.

“I-I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?” Steven stuttered.

“Yeah, your house, 10am...”

“Okay...” 

Steven spaced out again.

“Goodnight Steven...”

“Goodnight Connie.”

Steven walked up to the boardwalk and into the beach house.

—————

Connie stared as Steven walked up. She sighed and walked back to her house.

“There definitely is something wrong with Steven... he’s been acting weird all day...” Connie whispered to herself.

Connie checked her phone. No new messages. 

_”If something is wrong, Steven would let me know...”_

—————

Connie arrived at her house and she opened the door. Silence. Her parents were probably sleeping. 

She walked up to her room and plopped on her bed. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

—————

Connie’s phone was ringing.

“Ugh...” Connie woke up by the sudden call and answered the phone. 

She quickly checked the time. 4:17am. Very, very early.

“Hello?” Connie asked.

“Connie...” Steven’s voice was on the other side of the line.

“Hi Steven...” Connie noticed his shaky breathing. “Hey... hey are you okay?”

“No... Connie I’m not...” 

“Then, what should I do?”

“Please... please come over—“

He hung up. The monotone ring after upset Connie.

Connie sighed and grabbed her jacket and called Lion.

“Lion, take me to Steven’s room.”

Lion roared and a portal opened. He jumped in and both of them appeared in Steven’s room.

“Steven...” Connie looked around the room. “He’s not here Lion...”

Lion sniffed and went downstairs. 

“Lion?”

Connie followed him and Lion stopped at the temple door. 

The pink light shone bright.

“Steven...” Connie whispered.

Lion growled softly and Connie patted him gently. 

“It’s okay Lion... I’ll help him...”

Connie took a deep breath.

“Steven... it’s me, Connie... can we talk out here?”

Steven opened the door and he looked at Connie.

“Come on Steven... sit down at the sofa... I’ll make you some hot cocoa...”

“Thanks...” 

Steven walked to the sofa and sat down.

Connie poured some hot cocoa and gave it to Steven, hugging him.

“Tell me what’s wrong... Steven...”

“...”

“Please... tell me...”

Steven opened his mouth.


	15. Headache

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven tells Connie about the voice in his head. Connie thinks it has something to do with a certain incident.
> 
> Steven tries a new coping method, but ends up feeling worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ⚠️MENTION OF SUICIDAL THOUGHTS!⚠️
> 
> Enjoy the chapter!
> 
> Updates every Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday!
> 
> My Instagram is gravity_universe_fanfic if you want to follow, I would appreciate it!

Steven opened his mouth.

“I... I think there’s a voice... in my head...” Steven stuttered.

“What do you mean?” Connie asked.

“It’s... whispering things...” 

“Like what?”

“Every time there’s a chance, the voice would whisper a bad memory.”

Connie looked back. She was thinking about when they were talking about Pearl.

“What does the voice say to you?”

“I heard it say something about my... proposal to you...”

“...”

“After, it reminded me of the last time I went to Fish Stew Pizza...”

“...”

“Then, it said something about Pearl telling you that you’re worth nothing...”

Connie hugged Steven.

“Steven... I don’t want you to listen to that voice...”

Steven hugged Connie back.

“I-I’m sorry...”

“For what, Steven?”

“For dragging you back here again... you shouldn’t have to deal with my problems...”

“Steven... I’ll always try and help you.”

Steven sniffed and started to cry.

Connie separated from the hug.

“Steven... I think that voice is related to... something else...”

“What?”

“Don’t you remember when we fused at the beach?”

Steven’s cheeks turned pink.

“When you were thinking those... horrible thoughts?”

Steven bit his lip.

“I think that voice is trying to get you to think those thoughts again...”

Steven looked at Connie.

“You think so?”

“Yeah...”

“Then... what should I do?”

“Well, what does your therapist say?”

“She says to talk things out with someone you trust. And... ask them what they do when they feel scared or sad...”

“Mmhm...”

“So... what do you do?”

“Me? Well, I sometimes record my thoughts...”

“Record?”

“Yeah... after a few hours, you can listen to the recording.”

Steven stared at his phone on the table.

“Should I try that?”

“I mean... if you think it will help.”

“Then... I will...”

“Okay then, record something right now and we’ll listen to it together tomorrow... okay?”

“Okay...”

Connie stood up and put the empty cup of hot cocoa in the sink.

“I guess I should be going...”

“Yeah... bye Connie.”

“Bye... Steven.”

Connie walked towards the door. She looked back and saw Steven staring at his phone.

—————

“Steven!” Connie ran up to his room.

Steven was sitting on his bed. Holding his phone in his hands.

“Hi Connie.”

“Gosh, did you sleep at all?”

“No... I didn’t...”

“...”

“I’m too worried about what I’m going to hear from this.”

“It’s okay Steven, I’m here with you...”

Steven took a deep breath and pressed the play button. The recording started to play.

_”Hey... it’s me, Steven. This is really weird. In just a few hours I’m going to hear myself from this recording... anyway, I’m not feeling good. I’m not sick, but I am scared. This... voice in my head is... saying things that I don’t want to hear. I was in a much better place since meeting with the B-team but, it just seems like this voice is telling me that I shouldn’t feel happy... it’s scary... I know that Connie’s going to be hearing this with me... so, hi Connie. Yesterday was really fun and I was happy with you. You just seemed to make this voice in my head go away. I’m sorry if I’ve been acting weird. I just... I just feel that... I shouldn’t even... oh... oh god... I’m s-sorry. I’m tearing up again...”_

The recording stopped.

Connie looked over at Steven. He was crying.

“Sorry Connie... just... hearing myself talk is... different.”

“It’s okay, Steven.”

Connie patted his back and kissed him on the cheek.

They both heard a sniffle behind the door.

“What?” Connie stood up.

She opened the door and found the gems standing there.

“Wha—“ Steven wiped his tears. “How long have you been there?”

“Since... since Connie came in...” Pearl sniffed.

“How come you didn’t tell us??” Amethyst cried.

“I’m sorry guys...” Steven said.

Garnet walked towards Steven for a hug. She wrapped her arms around him. Pearl and Amethyst did the same. Connie slipped in and snuggled Steven.

Steven smiled.


	16. Disagreement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie has been stressed out about college for a while but, doesn’t want to tell Steven.
> 
> Steven visits Connie at her house but end up in an argument.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the chapter!
> 
> Updates every Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday!
> 
> My Instagram is gravity_universe_fanfic if you want to follow, I would appreciate it!

A week after hearing the recording, Steven has been talking to his therapist about it. How he can deal with those kind of thoughts and how to cope with it. His therapist suggests that he uses the recording method whenever he’s scared, stressed, or anxious.

Connie’s been scared ever since she heard Steven’s recording. She was trying to figure out what to do to help Steven in any way she can. She completely ignored her studies to help him. 

Now, it’s a normal day. The gems were off in Little Homeworld for the day and Steven decided to visit Connie. 

Steven drove down the road towards Connie’s house. He was thinking about what to say to her. Connie’s been calling and texting non-stop about how Steven was feeling. Steven assured her that he was fine every time.

Connie didn’t stop stressing out. Her mother’s been worried about her not catching up with her studies and everything crumbled to the ground.

She’s not paying attention to her studies and instead devoting her time to helping Steven. Steven didn’t think he needed help since his therapist was already doing the job.

Steven walked to Connie’s front porch and knocked on the door.

“Coming!” Dr. Maheswaran cried. 

She seemed to be running around the house in a hurry. She opened the door and rushed outside.

“Connie’s in her room, I’m almost late so help yourself to something in the fridge!”

Dr. Maheswaran ran to her car and drove off.

“Thanks you Dr. Maheswaran...” Steven’s voice trailed off.

She was too fast for Steven to even sneak a word in.

He entered the house and walked towards the kitchen. He grabbed a leftover sandwich from inside and put it in the microwave. 1 minute. It was pretty cold. Steven pressed the button and waited.

Connie walked downstairs for a snack and saw Steven standing next to the microwave. She waved and Steven waved back.

30 seconds.

“Hey...” Connie said, walking towards the fridge.

“Hi... I thought I could come visit you...”

“Mmhm...” Connie was shuffling in the fridge.

10 seconds.

“So... how are you?” Steven asked.

“I’m—“

DING! The microwave was done with Steven’s sandwich.

Steven grabbed it out the microwave and sat down at the table.

“I’m good... how are you?” Connie continued.

“Good... better than last week.”

“Good.”

“Mmhm...”

Silence.

“Your mom’s pretty busy nowadays...”

“Yeah...” Connie rubbed her arm. “How’s the gems?”

“They are at Little Homeworld now...”

“Oh...”

“How’s college?”

Connie flinched.

“It’s... okay...”

“Why? Is something wrong?”

“No... you don’t have to worry Steven...”

“Connie... I can help you...”

“No... please... I’m okay.”

“Okay...”

“I should focus on helping you...”

“It’s okay... my therapist has helped a lot.”

“That’s... good.”

“Yeah...”

Silence again.

“If there’s anything you need help on, I’ll be her—“

“No. Steven, please just... focus on yourself right now...”

“No, Connie. I want to help you.”

“Don’t you remember the last time you said that?!”

“What?”

“You were always asking if others needed help and not paying attention to yourself.”

“Yeah, I did that. But, I’m better now.”

“Are you? Because I don’t want you to go through that experience again...”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t want you to think everything’s fine and then turn into a pink monster 2 seconds later!”

“I’m not going to do that!”

“Well, I think you might!”

“I know myself better than anyone, I should know if I’m feeling those feelings again.”

“Do you really know yourself? You didn’t know that you were in trouble. You didn’t know that you had PTSD. You didn’t think that all those traumatic experiences would impact your life so much!”

“It only impacted me so much because I neglected those experiences. Now, I’m learning to talk about them...”

Connie scoffed.

“Then, what about your relapses? What about that voice in your head? What about those... those thoughts you had?!”

“What about them?” Steven stood up, slamming his hands on the table.

“It seems like you didn’t want to talk about those...”

“I did... I did talk about them eventually...”

“We would have helped you more if you told us sooner.”

Steven’s cheeks turned pink and he clenched his fists.

**”I’m worried about what you’ll think of me!!”**

Steven’s body turned completely pink and his fists made cracks on the table.

“W-what?” Connie stuttered.

“You said it yourself. You think that every time I say that I’m fine, I’ll turn into a monster... you think of me as a **_MONSTER_**.”

Steven’s body turned back into his normal hue and he walked out the door and into his car. He started the engine and drove off.

—————

Steven arrived at the beach house. He entered and the gems were waiting there for him.

“We made dinner!” Pearl cried.

“It’s pizza.” Amethyst chuckled.

“I’m not hungry.” Steven ran up to his room. 

The gems looked at each other. 

—————

Connie laid down on her bed and sighed.

She should have told him about college. She shouldn’t have said all those things. It made him go completely pink after all.

Connie grabbed her phone and scrolled through her contacts. She pressed Pearl’s and called her.

“Hello?” Pearl asked.

“Hi Pearl, it’s me, Connie.”

“Oh! Hi Connie!”

“So, uhh... did Steven get back yet?”

“Yes... he did. He didn’t seem to want to eat...”

“Hmm...”

“Did something happen at your house? Steven seemed to be in a good mood this morning before we left.”

“Yeah... sorry Pearl I’ll call Steven.”

Connie hung up.

—————

Steven laid on his bed and stared at the ceiling. Going fully pink made him tired. He tossed and turned. He looked at his phone and thought about calling Connie, apologizing.

His phone rang.

Steven took too long deciding that Connie called him first.

Steven answered the call.

“Steven...” Connie’s voice said.

“Hi...”

“I’m sorry... I didn’t mean to say those things...”

“...”

“And I’m sorry because I made you go fully pink. I know how much that makes you tired.”

“...”

“I’m sorry... I know you came over because you wanted to see me but, I ended up hurting you...”

“...”

“If you’re mad, I’m sorry.”

“Yes, I am.”

“...”

“But, I am sorry for the things I said... and I’m sorry for breaking your table... and I’m sorry that I took your sandwich... I didn’t see the label...”

Connie giggled.

“I guess that’s that...” Connie said, chuckling.

“Yeah...”

“I’ll... see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah... my house, 1pm.”

“Mmhm...”

Connie hung up.

Steven put his phone down and laid on his bed.

He fell into a deep sleep.


	17. Different

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie finally decides to tell Steven about college since Steven’s feeling better. Steven does try to help, but all Connie can think about is how to help Steven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the chapter! 
> 
> Updates every Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday!
> 
> My Instagram is gravity_universe_fanfic if you want to follow, I would appreciate it!

Stress. Connie’s been stressed for weeks now. College work has been piling up more than she could imagine. Especially since hearing the recording. She’s been so focused on helping Steven that she completely ignored her studies. 

It was the day after the argument. Connie was supposed to visit Steven at his house today. 

She packed her textbooks and papers in her duffel bag and picked up her phone. 

She dialed Steven’s number.

“Hello?” Steven’s voice asked.

“Hi Steven, it’s Connie.”

“Oh! Hi Connie!”

“I’m coming over, my mom’s driving me.”

“Okay! I’ll wait outside for you.”

“Okay...”

“Connie? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, sorry. I stayed up pretty late for studying.”

“Oh, well, if you’re too tired, I can push the time back.”

“No no, it’s fine.”

“Okay then... I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah.”

Connie hung up.

She put her phone in her pocket and walked out the front door. She saw her mom sitting in the car, in a phone call.

Connie opened the car door and sat down with her bag on her lap.

“Hi sweetie, I’m in a call right now so just wait 5 minutes.”

“Okay...”

—————

Connie arrived at Steven’s house. She saw that Steven was standing on the boardwalk, waving. Her mom waved back and drove off.

Connie walked up the stairs and kissed Steven on the cheek and entered the beach house. 

“Do you want something to drink, Connie?”

“No, it’s okay...”

“Okay...”

“Can I put my bag in your room?”

“Yeah, no problem.”

Silence. Steven grabbed a cup of water and sat down on the sofa. Connie walked upstairs to put her bag down. She noticed the pill bottle on Steven’s nightstand.

Connie walked back downstairs and sat down next to Steven.

“So...” Connie started.

“So...”

“Are you taking your pills?”

“Mmhm...”

“Good.”

“How’s college?”

“Good.”

“Mmhm...?”

“What?”

“No, just... you seem tired.”

“Oh, sorry.”

“No, don’t be.”

“I told you earlier, I stayed up late.”

“Okay...”

Silence. It seemed that the argument from the day before still was lingering around them.

Connie held Steven’s hands.

“Look, Steven. To tell you the truth, college has been really stressful.”

“...?”

“Ever since I heard your recording, I’ve been so worried about you... I ignored my studies and I’m trying to catch up on them...”

“Connie, if you’re being stressed, I can help you.”

“That’s just the thing. I don’t want you to stress out about helping me.”

“Don’t worry.”

“But, I am worried... I’m worried that you will put everything else on top of your own stress.”

“Connie... I’m better now, I won’t do that anymore...”

“But, what if you do? What will I do then?”

“Trust me, it won’t happen. Ever again.”

Connie sighed.

“Okay, but, I doubt that you will know what I’m studying.”

“It’s okay. As long as I can help you with your stress, I’ll be happy...”

“Thanks Steven.”

—————

The next day.

“Connie!” Steven burst into Connie’s room. “Connie?”

“Mmm...” Connie was lying on her bed, covered by the blanket.

“Connie... c’mon I didn’t come all the way here just so I can see you sleep!”

“...”

“Right, that sounds... bad... anyway, I brought some snacks!”

“...”

“Connie, are you okay?”

“Mmhm...”

“That doesn’t sound okay...”

“...”

“Alright, up you go!” Steven lifted Connie up from the bed and sat her down next to him.

Connie rested her head on his shoulder and snored.

“Did... did you even sleep last night?”

“Mmm...” Connie shook her head.

“Were you studying?”

“Mmhm...” She nodded her head.

“Connie, I told you that studying at nighttime isn’t good... that’s why I said that I’ll come by today to help you...”

“Mmm... sleep now, study later...”

“Alright, 10 minutes, okay?”

“Mmm...”

—————

15 minutes later.

“Connie... wake up!”

“H-huh? What?” Connie sat up from her bed.

“Sorry, forgot to put an alarm on.”

“...”

“Your mom just came back from her work. Do you want something to eat?”

“No, it’s okay...”

Connie stood up and walked downstairs to greet her mom.

Steven sighed and shuffled through her papers. He noticed the untidy handwriting and random scribbles on the sides. Connie must’ve slept while studying.

Connie came back inside her room and hugged Steven. 

“Gosh, are you getting taller?”

“What?”

“You got taller.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah...”

Connie snuggled Steven like a giant teddy bear. 

“So, back to studying, Connie.”

“Okay, okay...”

“We can take a break after.”

“Thanks, Steven...”

Steven smiled and hugged Connie.

—————

“Bye Connie!” Steven cried as he drove off.

Connie waved and walked back to her room. 9:45pm. Reasonable time to go to sleep.

Connie shuffled underneath the blankets and brought her knees to her chest. She sighed and closed her eyes.

—————

Connie woke up. She sat up quickly and saw Steven sitting beside her bed. 

“W-what? Steven, what are you doing here?”

“What do you mean? I’m here to help you.”

“But, it’s way too early...”

“Yeah, but I don’t care, I want to help you...”

“No, no, you need to help yourself too...”

“Connie, it’s okay, I’m only focusing on you right now...”

“Please Steven, go back home, get some rest.”

“What I need to do is help you.”

“No, Steven—“

“You’re my one priority...”

“... Steven...”

“I don’t need anything else.”

Steven stood up. He was towering over Connie.

“Please... Steven...”

Steven groaned and held his head. Pink spikes were bursting out his back. Connie was remembering the last time this happened. Steven was corrupting. He turned into a giant monster.

—————

Connie woke up in a cold sweat. It was just a nightmare. It wasn’t real.

She glanced at the clock. 5:25am. 

She grabbed her phone and called Steven.

“Steven?” Connie asked.

“Wha— Connie, it’s really early... I thought we agreed with 9:00am for us to meet again...”

“Yeah, yeah. Sorry, just... wanted to hear your voice...”

“Okay... uhh... did you have a dream or something?”

“What? What makes you think that?”

“Connie, c’mon, I’ve had a lot of dreams and nightmares. I recognize that tone...”

“Wow...”

“What was it about?”

“Nothing, it’s fine...”

“And you think I’m the one hiding my feelings? Alright, give me a minute, I’m coming over...”

“Wha— wait Stev—“

The call ended. 

A pink portal appeared near Connie’s window and Lion jumped out with a sleeping Steven.

“Steven?”

“Huh? Oh sorry... I’m really tired.”

“Yeah, me too...”

“So, tell me about your nightmare.”

“What?”

“Your nightmare?”

“Alright...”

—————

“Huh... so I said that?” Steven asked.

“Well, basically.”

“Hmm... well you know I wouldn’t say something like that, okay?”

“Okay... I’m just... so worried about you.”

“Connie, worry about yourself!”

“Why?”

“It looks like you haven’t slept in days!”

“No...”

“You’re the one who’s telling me that I shouldn’t put others before myself. Look who’s doing that now...”

“But...” Connie yawned. “I want to help you...” 

“Isn’t that what dream-me said?”

“...”

“I’ll get you some water...”


	18. Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven has a nightmare and meets his gem. After, Connie talks to the gems about Steven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the chapter!
> 
> Updates every Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday!
> 
> My Instagram is gravity_universe_fanfic if you want to follow, I would appreciate it!

“Connie!” Steven was out on the boardwalk and waving at Connie.

Connie waved back and smiled, carrying her duffel bag.

“Come in!” Steven called.

Connie entered with Steven inside the beach house. Steven walked upstairs and Connie put her bag down beside the sofa. Steven walked back downstairs.

“Do you want something to drink?” 

“No, Steven, I’m okay.”

“Okay...”

Steven grabbed a cup of water and gulped it down.

“I’m really glad that I can stay over at your house tonight!”

“Yeah, me too.”

Steven and Connie walked upstairs and Connie set her sleeping bag next to Steven’s bed.

“Goodnight Steven...”

“Goodnight Connie.”

—————

Steven woke up. He was in his room. Connie wasn’t there... her sleeping bag wasn’t there. She was gone. 

Steven stood up. He opened the door to go outside but was immediately stopped by the dark void on the other side. The rest of his house was nowhere to be seen. 

The conservatory on top of his room was still there. He walked up the stairs towards it and noticed a bright pink glow coming from inside.

As he got closer, he heard... sobbing... inside.

Steven entered the conservatory and saw someone huddled in the corner, hiding behind some flowers and plants. 

He shuffled through the plants and touched the person, or thing. 

The person flinched and looked at Steven. 

“Steven...” The person said, softly.

This person was Steven’s gem.

“Wha— what are you doing here?” Steven asked.

“What do you mean? I’m you, what else would I be doing?”

“I don’t know honestly...”

“Steven... please... can you stop doing this?”

“Doing... what?”

“Please just... stop.”

“Stop what?!” Steven snapped and he clenched his fists.

“Stop... **that**.”

“Okay, okay... look I’ve been doing the best I can trying to stop myself from doing this...”

“Seems like you’re not trying enough.”

“...”

“Are you talking to Connie? The gems?”

“Yes, wait, if you’re my gem, wouldn’t you know that?

“No, you’re the human half... I’m your gem half. I don’t know anything about the surface. Other than that time when White tore into us.”

“...”

“Stop avoiding it, Steven...”

“Avoiding what?”

“Whenever someone brings up something traumatic, you stop talking or turn pink.”

“...”

“See?”

“Gosh, just stop. I’m going back up there, don’t stop me.”

“Why would I do that?”

“Because you obviously wanted to talk to me using... a dream...”

“Hmm...”

“Okay... then I’m going to leave... somehow.”

Steven looked around and tapped the edges of the conservatory. 

“Steven... you just have to wait...”

“What? Why?”

“There’s no way out of this dream... except that.”

Steven’s gem pointed outside the conservatory and Steven walked towards the entrance.

“Woah!” Steven noticed his room disintegrated in front of his eyes.

“Yeah... it does that.”

“Okay, then... I’ll wait.” Steven sat down beside his gem.

“So...”

“So.”

“How’s the surface?”

“Good... I guess.”

“Good.”

“What do you even do here?”

“Just sit around. I feel more active when you turn pink or use your powers.”

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“Neglecting you.”

“It’s okay.”

The conservatory started to disintegrate from the entrance. Steven stood up.

“Sorry but, I’m going to have to go.”

“It’s okay... I’m always alone anyway.”

“What?”

“Yeah... it’s fine though.”

“No. It’s not fine...”

“Steven... live your life to the fullest. Don’t worry about me.”

The conservatory was almost completely gone.

“Wait—“

—————

Steven woke up in a cold sweat. 

“Steven?” Connie woke up.

“Connie? Oh thank god you’re here.”

“Yeah... did you have a dream?” Connie wiped her eyes.

“... yeah.”

“It’s okay Steven... I’m here.”

“Yeah... I know.”

—————

“Good morning Steven!” Connie jumped on Steven on his bed.

“Morning...”

“Wanna get some breakfast?”

“Yeah... I’ll be down in a minute.”

“Okay... I’ll wait for you.”

Connie walked downstairs. Steven sat up and wiped his eyes. He grabbed his shirt and jacket from his drawer and put it on. 

He walked downstairs and smiled at the gems and Connie. His smile was immediately wiped off after.

“Hi Steven... oh... blue shirt today?”

“Yeah... laundry’s a bit behind.”

“Hmm...”

“I have some breakfast for you, Steven!” Pearl cried, holding a plate of Together Breakfast.

“Pearl... you don’t have to make Together Breakfast every morning.”

“Yes... but, I want to make you happy!” Pearl smiled.

Steven sat down and kissed Connie on the cheek. Connie kissed him back.

“Ugh! Keep it in your pants!” Amethyst exclaimed.

“Amethyst!! It’s normal for people like this!” Pearl cried.

Steven and Connie giggled.

—————

Connie stood up and walked to the entrance of the beach house.

“Steven... I’ll wait for you on the beach.”

“Yeah...”

Connie walked down to the beach and Pearl tapped Steven’s shoulder.

“Steven... we are busy today again... is it alright for us to leave?”

“It’s okay Pearl... I’ll be fine.”

“Thank you, Steven.”

Pearl left on the warp with Amethyst. Garnet stayed behind for a while and talked to Steven.

“Steven... just... be careful, please.” Garnet said.

“Yes, Garnet. I’ll be okay.”

Garnet frowned and left on the warp.

_”Did Garnet use her future vision?”_

—————

Steven walked downstairs and waved to Connie. Connie waved back.

“Hey Steven!”

“Hey.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah... sorry.”

“No, it’s okay.”

“Just... something’s bothering me.”

“Oh...”

Steven and Connie started walking towards the city. Steven held his hand up and summoned his bubble a few times. 

“Steven? What are you doing?”

“Oh... nothing...” Steven shoved his hand in his pocket. 

“Okay.”

“So, umm... did you see or hear anything from last night?”

“No... I was sleeping the whole night.”

“Okay.”

“Why? Did something happen last night?”

“Uhh... no... just heard something.”

“Oh...”

Silence.

“Wanna get some fries?” Connie asked.

“Sure... uhh... I’ll wait for you on the bench.”

“Okay.”

Connie walked to the fry stand and ordered two fry packs with ketchup. She picked up her order and walked over to Steven, who was sitting on the bench, clenching his stomach.

“Steven? I have the fries...”

“Oh!” Steven shoved his hand back in his pocket. “Thanks, Connie.”

“Yeah... no problem.”

They sat in silence as they ate their fries. 

“Is your gem okay?” Connie asked.

“Huh? Oh, yeah... why?”

“Well, I saw you touching your gem before.”

Steven blushed. 

“Wait, uhh... y-you did?”

“Umm... yeah...” Connie blushed. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to look...”

“Oh... no, it’s okay...”

They both blushed and ate their fries.

—————

“Thanks everyone... for meeting with me...” Connie said, looking around the room and seeing all the Crystal Gems.

“I don’t understand... why are we here?” Bismuth asked.

“Steven... we’re here for Steven.”

“But, Steven’s fine... isn’t he?” Lapis asked. 

“Well, he did turn pink in front of me.” Peridot mentioned.

“But, he hasn’t had a breakdown in weeks!” Pearl cried.

“Not everyone was with him though.” Connie glared at Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl.

“We’re sorry, Connie, but we have really important business we have to tend to.” Pearl said.

“That’s not an excuse to ignore Steven’s behavior!”

“Then, what have you been doing?” Bismuth asked Connie.

“I was with him before and we got into a fight. It caused him to go fully pink.”

“What?” Pearl asked.

“Yeah... I thought he was feeling better since a few weeks ago, but apparently... he’s not.”

“What else is he not telling us?” Pearl asked.

“Steven will tell you soon, I’m sure. For now, we have to figure out what’s going on with him.”

“What’s the problem?” Lapis asked.

“It seems like he’s been touching his gem and using his powers more often.”

“Why?” Peridot asked.

“I don’t know... which is why we need to ask him. We need Steven to talk to us, but not surround him with intruding questions. We all know how that went last time.” Connie looked at Pearl.

“Steven’s coming!” Garnet cried, lifting her glasses.

“Everyone, block all entrances and exits. We can’t let him leave.” Connie said.

The gems scattered to different places. Bismuth and Peridot blocking the front door, Lapis and Garnet by the staircase, Pearl blocking the bathroom, Amethyst blocking the temple door, and Connie standing in front of the warp.

Steven warped to the beach house. He looked around and saw the gems placed in different spots of the room. 

“Uhh... guys? What’s happening?”

“Come on Steven... tell us what’s going on.”

“Connie? What are you talking about?”

“You know what I’m talking about.”

The gems all looked at Steven, waiting for an answer.

“Why are you guys blocking the doors?”

“Don’t change the subject, Steven. Why have you been acting all weird today?”

Steven sighed and walked to the sofa with Connie.

“Last night, I had a nightmare.”

The gems walked to Steven and listened to him.

“I... woke up in my room and, Connie, you weren’t there anymore... nothing was. Except for my room and the conservatory. When I walked up there, I saw my gem self. He told me that I should stop feeling angry and frustrated. He told me that I should talk to everyone about everything. He told me that he feels more active if I turn pink or use my powers. He felt so sad and lonely. I didn’t want him to feel like he’s useless. I know... what that feels like. So, I used my powers and I wondered if he felt anything...”

“Oh, Steven...” Connie hugged Steven.

“I guess I just cared too much about my gem half.”

“That’s okay Steven... you’re independent together.” Pearl said.

“It’s okay to care about someone else.” Lapis said.

“No matter what, he will be happy.” Amethyst said.

“Because he’s with you. And who you are.” Bismuth said.

“The most amazing human on Earth!” Peridot cried.

“And that’s better than just feeling lonely. It’s the true kind of love.” Garnet said.

“Thanks guys.” Steven said.

“Steven...” Connie started.

“We love you.”


	19. Realization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven talks to Connie about leaving Beach City. He’s torn between telling the gems or not. But, after a talk with Connie, he realizes that it’s the right thing to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the chapter!
> 
> The last chapter will be out soon!
> 
> My Instagram is gravity_universe_fanfic if you want to follow, I would appreciate it!

“Steven?” A voice called out.

“Huh?” Steven replied.

“Are you okay?” Connie asked.

“Yeah... sorry... I spaced out.”

“It’s okay. So, what do you think?” Connie gestured to the loose stack of papers on Steven’s bed.

“Well...” Steven picked up a few. “I don’t need to pay so much for another vehicle. I could just take my Dondai.”

“Yeah... okay. So, that’s out of the picture.” Connie takes some papers and throws them in the garbage.

“Connie! We might need those later!”

“Oh... right.”

Connie picked up the papers from the trash can.

“Have you told the gems yet?” Connie asked.

“No... but I will, I promise!”

“Okay, Steven. I’m holding on to that promise.”

Steven smiled.

“I’m going to get something to drink. You want anything, Steven?”

“No... it’s okay.”

“Okay.”

Connie walked downstairs. Steven sat down on his bed, making some of the papers fly. He sighed and looked around. This is probably the last time he’s going to look at his room like this.

He’s been thinking about starting somewhere else for a long time. Going off on his own journey. Across the states, heck, maybe across the world.

Connie’s been helping him with money. It’s been hard for Steven since he never went to school. 

His therapist was very supportive of his decision. She thought it was the best way for Steven to find his human self. She was right. No gem stuff was going to be in the way. 

A white, glowing butterfly flew across the room. 

“Wha—“

“Hey Steven.” A voice said.

The scene changed to a dark yet bright blue room. White butterflies flying everywhere. 

“What? What happened?” 

Steven looked around and saw his gem half.

“What are you doing here?”

“Gosh, you have to stop asking that question.”

“...”

“It’s stupid. Where else would I be instead of your own mind?”

“What do you want now?”

“Steven... I am okay with your decision with leaving Beach City. But, can you at least tell the gems?”

“I will... eventually.”

“That’s what you always say. But, you never do.”

“Look, Garnet can use future vision. She’ll know anyway. And if she knows, then Pearl and Amethyst will know. I’ll just let that happen.”

“...”

Steven’s gem half glares at him as the scenery changes to his room again.

“Hey Steven— hey what’s wrong?”

Connie walked into the room and saw Steven spacing out.

Steven shakes his head.

“C-Connie? Oh... sorry.”

“No. Don’t be. What happened?”

“...”

“Steven... c’mon, I told you to tell me when something happens.”

“Okay... just... my gem half again.”

“Again? How many times has it been now?”

“I can’t keep count anymore.”

“What did he say this time?”

“That I should tell the gems about this.”

“I think he’s right.”

“Yeah... yeah I know.”

“Okay...”

Connie’s phone rung.

“Hello? Oh! Okay. I’ll be home soon...”

She hung up.

“Sorry, it’s my mom, Steven... I have to be home soon. I have some studying to catch up on.”

“Yeah...”

Connie walked out Steven’s room and Steven followed.

“C-Connie! Don’t stress out about college!”

“I won’t!”

Connie exited the beach house and ran across the beach.

Steven sighed and sat on his bed.

—————

It was the next day. The day when he would leave was getting closer. 

Steven decided to tell the gems today. 

“Okay, Steven. You can do this.” Steven whispered to himself.

He puffed up his chest and walked to Pearl.

“Hey Pearl—“

“Sorry Steven, Bismuth needs help down in the forge. I’ll talk to you later!”

Pearl then ran out the door.

“O-oh! Okay!”

He sighed. 

He walked to Amethyst.

“Hey Amethy—“

“Sorry dude, gotta help with Little Homeschool today.”

Amethyst walked to the warp.

“Wait! But—“

Amethyst warped away before Steven could finish.

He walked to Garnet.

“Garnet—“

“Hi Steven. What do you need?”

“Umm... so I have something to tell you—“

“Sorry Steven. Gotta split.”

Garnet then unfused to Ruby and Sapphire who ran to the warp. 

“Ruby! Sapphire!”

“We’ll be back soon, Steven.” Sapphire assured him.

“Yeah! We’ll be back in a jiffy!” Ruby cried, giving a thumbs up.

They warped away. 

“I... just needed to tell you something.”

—————

Pearl was waiting in the forge for Amethyst and Garnet. Bismuth wasn’t there. Pearl just needed a good lie to avoid Steven.

Amethyst ran inside.

“Hey! P! Where’s Garnet?”

“I’m waiting for her.”

Ruby and Sapphire ran inside.

“Ruby? Sapphire?” Pearl cried.

“Sorry! We couldn’t stay fused in front of Steven.” Ruby explained.

They both fused into Garnet.

“Garnet... what are we going to do?” Pearl asked.

“We just have to wait.”

“For how long? I can’t keep lying to him!” Amethyst cried.

“For as long as it takes.”

“C’mon Garnet! We should at least let him tell us!”

“No. If he tells us now, our tears would keep him here.”

“You mean... if he tells us now, he wouldn’t leave?”

“Yes.”

“Alright... we’ll keep our mouths shut. It’s my specialty after all.” Pearl said.

“Thank you. Both of you.”

—————

“Why were they avoiding you?” Connie asked.

“I don’t know! When I walked up to them, they just ran off saying they have something important to do.”

“Well, maybe they’re lying.”

“What? No. They wouldn’t lie to me.”

“Steven. What about Pearl and Pink Diamond?”

“Connie, that was just one secret that Pearl kept to keep me safe.”

“What about Ruby and Sapphire?”

“They just... didn’t want me to know yet.”

“...”

“Maybe... they are lying.”

“Next time you talk to them, don’t let them leave. Try to keep them there with you.”

“Yeah... yeah I will.”

Connie kissed Steven on the cheek.

—————

The next day. Steven had a map in front of him.

“So...? How did everyone take the news?”

“Well... I told everyone in Beach City and my dad. But, I haven’t told the gems yet.”

“Steven! You gotta tell them!”

“I know! But, I don’t know how they would take it.”

—————

Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl warped into the beach house. Steven was standing beside the table, waiting for them.

“Steven! Did you wait for us?” Pearl asked.

“I sure did!” Steven said, holding a box of homemade Cookie Cats.

“Ooo!! Cookie Cats!” Amethyst said, jumping up on the table and grabbing one.

“I thought they stopped making them!” Pearl cried.

“They did! I made these! You can kinda tell.”

“What’s this all about?” Amethyst asked.

“Okay... you might think of this as very bad news but... I’m moving out! Don’t worry! I’ve prepared a very comprehensive plan to visit all 39 states before I decide where to settle down! And I can video chat my therapist while I’m on the road! Do not try to talk me out of this!!” Steven swung his hands in front of him.

Silence.

—————

“Did you tell the gems?” Connie asked.

“Yeah... they were... really happy about it too.”

“Huh... I’m surprised that they didn’t fall to the floor, begging you to stay.”

“Maybe... they just thought it was... time for me to move on.”

“Maybe.”

“Anyway, I’m glad that they took it well!”

“Yeah!”

—————

Steven stood in front of his car. 

“Bye Dad.” Steven hugged his father.

“Bye Connie.” Steven hugged Connie and they kissed.

“I’ll miss you.” Connie said.

Steven smiled and walked to the gems.

“Bye guys... Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl.” They hugged and Steven sat down in his car. He started the engine and drove off. His mirror showed his dad, Connie, and the gems waving.

Steven looked back and forth from his mirror to the road. He started to sweat as they got farther. 

Steven pressed the brake and drove backwards. 

“What’s wrong with you guys? Aren’t you sad that I’m leaving?” Steven cried.

“Oh man! I can’t take it anymore!” Amethyst started bawling her eyes out.

Garnet’s visor was filled with tears spilling out.

“We were trying to be strong for you.” 

Pearl started to sob uncontrollably.

“Pearl agrees.”

Steven jumps out of his car and leaps into a group hug. 

“You guys!!” Steven cries.

“We love you Steven...” The three said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the second last chapter of Madness. It’s really been such a wonderful experience sharing this story with all of you! 
> 
> Two Bright Stars will update on Monday!
> 
> (I’m sorry I skipped Pearl’s rap for the Cookie Cat song! I was rushing and didn’t have a lot if time to but everything down!)


	20. Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two years later and Steven has been travelling for a while now. 
> 
> Connie invited him to a date, where they encounter an old foe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter!

Two years later. Steven is now 18 years old. He’s been travelling all around the states. Connie’s been helping him with navigation and finances. Steven has gotten used to it. His therapist has been helping a lot. Talking about his experiences in the past wasn’t as bad as he thought. 

Connie called Steven.

“Hey Steven!”

“Connie!” Steven was on the road. 

“Are you almost here?”

“Yeah! Just a few more minutes.”

“Okay! I’ll wait for you.”

Connie hung up. 

Steven sighed deeply. He always loved hearing Connie’s voices. He hasn’t seen her in over two years because she was busy with college and Steven’s been travelling. They haven’t found any free time until now.

They were going to meet at a restaurant and possibly go around the park. It was a dream date. 

—————

“Steven!” Over here!” Connie waved to Steven.

She was waiting in front of the restaurant.

“Connie!”

They ran towards each other and kissed.

“It’s been a while.” Connie said.

Steven smiled.

“Shall we?” Steven gestured to the door.

Connie giggled and entered the restaurant with Steven.

A waitress came to their aid.

“Hello! Table for two?”

“Yes!” Steven replied.

“Right this way.” 

They followed the waitress to an empty table. Connie and Steven sat down and held hands from across the table. 

“Here’s your menu. I’ll be back in a few minutes to take your order.”

“Thank you.” Connie said.

The waitress left and the two had some time to themselves.

“How’s college, Connie?”

“It’s great! I met a lot of new friends.”

“That’s great.”

“How’s your trip been?”

“It’s good! I called the gems yesterday to let them know that I’ll be with you today.” Steven eyes softened at the sight of Connie’s smile.

—————

The two held hands as they left the restaurant. 

Steven checked his phone.

“We have some time to go to the park.”

“Let’s go then!” Connie ran ahead and Steven caught up.

Steven giggled.

—————

They arrived at the park and sat down at a bench next to a pond. 

“This is really nice, Steven.” Connie leaned on Steven’s shoulder.

“Yeah...” Steven stared at Connie.

Her hair was short and poofy.

“Steven?” Connie looked at Steven and touched her hair. “Do you not like it?”

“N-no! I-I love it!” Steven blushed.

Connie blushed and twirled her hair around her finger.

“Well well well... look who it is!” A voice called out.

Steven flinched. Connie’s eyes widened.

“No way.” Steven and Connie turned around and saw Kevin standing with his two friends.

“If it isn’t Steven Universe... the golden boy, or should I say the _diamond_ boy?”

Steven gritted his teeth.

“Steven... just ignore him.” Connie tried to calm him down.

Steven scoffed and stood up.

“Let’s go Connie.”

Connie stood up and walked away with Steven.

“Coward! Coward! Monster! Monster!” They all chanted as they followed them.

Steven’s cheeks turned pink.

“Steven?”

“...”

Connie couldn’t blame him. Kevin is not someone he liked. 

“Diamond boy! Diamond boy!” Kevin shouted.

—————

Steven and Connie walked around for about 10 minutes and Kevin and his crew were still following them.

“Steven... they’re still following us.” Connie whispered.

“... I know.” Steven said in a monotone voice.

“Should we do something?”

“...”

Steven’s cheeks turned a brighter pink.

“Should I be worried about your pink stuff?”

“No... I have control over it now.”

“Okay.”

“Come on Connie.” Steven led Connie to an alley. “Are they still following us?”

“Yeah... but...”

“Okay, you keep going straight. I’ll catch up with you.”

“... okay Steven. I trust you.”

Connie ran straight and past the alley to a street. She crossed the road and waited for Steven at a store.

—————

“Steven?!” Connie stood up from the bench she was sitting on.

Steven walked out the alley. His pink jacket had a few dirty stains but, his face and body remained untouched. He already healed himself.

Connie ran to him and hugged him.

“A-are you okay, Steven?” 

Steven looked at Connie and smiled.

“Yeah... I’m fine... I’m just glad that you didn’t get hurt.”

“Yeah... yeah.” Connie hugged him tighter. “Just... don’t scare me like that.”

Connie started crying.

“Connie... don’t cry... I’m okay. You’re okay. Come on... let’s go.”

—————

Connie and Steven walked to Steven’s car. Lion was beside it, waiting for Connie.

Lion jumped on Connie and licked her.

“Hi Lion!”

Lion was licking her tears off.

“I’m okay! Lion!”

“I should get going...” Steven said, walking to his car.

“Yeah... me too.”

They kissed and separated.

Before Lion jumped into his portal, Connie sneaked a few last words in.

“I love you, Steven.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this far!
> 
> This story has been one of my favourites and I really hope it’s yours as well!
> 
> Thank you for this journey!


End file.
